Dandelions are little miracles...

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

the past two weeks have encompassed pretty much everything, ranging from coming down with the entire fever package to meeting up with random people and goodness knows what else. i am depressed from the lack of an audible voice right now, the feeling of thinking u were speaking audibly when in actual fact what everyone hears is just garbled warped mumbled nonsense, at a low frequency at that, is pure torture. i stood in the bathroom waiting for my mum to bring me a tee when what she heard was: i dont want! and so disappeard off to the kitchen. hah! bet all u people who ve previously suffered from ms wong's shrieks and high pitched in urface shouts, ure all smirking eh!!!! evil toots.

had a four hour breakfast with ms goon. time flew by amazingly fast, been a long time since its done that, disappear into nothingness when u felt like it was only an hour! so we sat there, sheltered from the pouring rain, while the breakfast crowd thinned and the lunch crowd entered, and had totally random, interesting, philosophical (well...i know, i tried my best to be) and inspiring conversations. it was a little like discovering a pyschic half. and i love psychic people! like how bananababe and twinny always end up calling me when im on the way home alone, or on the bus, bored to tears. perfect timing and frequencies (: and like how my grannyfriend gave me that happy book of butterflies ive been looking at for a year. ps. tcc's breakfast rocks, do try!

sat draws nearer. and in my woozy state of mind, i dunno what im feeling. i actually am just looking fwd to pure uninterrupted rest and sleep. on the plane, in notts, in duesseldorf. wherever. and im actually paranoid abt losing my luggage. its all that mister whathisname's fault, the one that appeared in this sunday's globetrotter page. he jsut had to go tell whole singapore how heathrow airport lost his luggage and now i have this impulse to stuff everything in my bagpack whenever i pack.
the thought of practicing millions of hours on a steinway right at home, makes me feel excited. (: and soaking in all tt deutsch
then theres the thought of possibly going usa and meeting wenhaw in another continent. ok this is so out of point n irrelevant.
and theres the call of spring and summer, complete with sparkling picturebook worthy flowers! I LOVE FLOWERS.
and then, u think of mum and grandaunt and the teachers and the friends and indulgz and the random people.......

chilipadi on 1:00 AM
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Monday, March 10, 2008

when one lives far away, one hears only of the major artists in the galaxy and is often satisfied with merely knowing their names; but when one draws closer, the twinkle of stars of the second and third magnitude becomes visible until, finally, one sees the whole constellation - the world is wider and art richer than one had hitherto supposed.

a beautiful quote i discovered sitting in the baltic voices cd i bought, now that ive got the time to slowly read thru. written by the great writer Goethe in his Italian Journey while visiting an art gallery in Verona. and it does sum up, not only aptly but wonderfully, the magic of learning and discovering the world out there. to me at least. reading it, was inspiring.

and i so do adore the works and writings of the olden time writers. somehow, i do. authors like Goethe, Jean Paul Friedrich Richter and Schiller. ive never really had the time to spend reading more of their works in full, but what little chunks, paragraphs and snatches ive gleaned from my musical literature (as many great composers like Schumann, Liszt etc have been influenced and inspired too by these), has made me fall greatly in love. perhaps when im in germany alone, i ll get the time to do so. i would love that. especially Jean Paul's Flegeljahre! theirs are the doors to a world deeply rich, emotional, imaginative, at times irrelevant and always always bathed in the beauty of words that literally paint a world of thousand colours.

if i had all the time, i would wanna study these texts, write more, paint more, dabble in designing my own clothes and shoes, i would love to produce my own greeting cards, produce shows! but for now i ll indugle myself once in a while. and then, someday, maybe in another life time, yes, please let me do all these too, while focusing my life on the world of music, aiming everyday, to reach closer to the second and third magnitudes of this wide universe, hoping for the day my eyes are opened fully. GREEDY AINT I!

chilipadi on 11:42 PM
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Friday, March 07, 2008

it was the split second of a moment. i stepped out on to the zebra crossing and mum pulled me back. then came the lorry, and suddenly rushed out the cyclist too. and the next thing the cyclist was on the road, flung from his bike. they were both going too fast and they didnt see each other till it was all too late. and while the lorry rolled backwards in slow motion. it was like a horror flick. seeing it go over his legs. mum ran out screaming for him to stop. and then the blood came. from the eyes. it was stunning. i will neever forget it, as long as i live. how it felt to stand there, knowing we were mere seconds ourselves from being the ones pinned there. and the poor guy. i dunno how he is, i havent been able to find out. in a way im scared to find out. i want to know he is alive and not suffering. and the driver. the guilt he is gonna be in his entire life.
life is way too fragile. :( do cherish it, cherish the people in it, live every moment. anything could happen.

chilipadi on 10:18 PM
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Sunday, March 02, 2008

wxy is over. i shant talk much abt it, but just know that it was one of the happiest days in my life. something akin to a dream come true, complete with that dream-like quality...after months of preparation it was gone and over in a flash of red and black. but thats how it always happens aint it! i finally plucked up the courage to listen to the recording and yes, there were some special moments inside. so im rather happy (: and i so do love the pictures.
and im so happy that so many people were there to share the happy day with us. to the sponsors. to alice and zizi. to nerd. to the pageturners the ah - lian duo (u gotta pronounce ah lian with different nuances for them, its derived from their names). to the composers. nix, for rushing down after bookouts to coach us on his piece, which seemed tough at first, but now i so love the cadenza. and also peng for the skyping. and the calls and concern all the way from usa! to the concern that came from aussieland too..plus tons of others. and my darling family. and oh yes all the teachers. lemme tell u, we must be blessed or blessed.

classic moment of the day was seeing the pageturners do their special pageturner warmup exercises! see, alan the head Pageturner was reprimanding lianwei for not attending his masterclass awhile back where he went through the intricacies of turning pages for major works. so with a sigh he said: now, follow me outside and we shall go through these works now! HAHAHA. they came back and saw us in a flurry of prep and all. decided to partake in it too! so they stood in the middle of the dressing room and did leg bends, arm turns and whatnonts, estimating the best distance and time to turn exactly. it was hilarious....should have got that on video!!!

sometimes i feel ashamed of my own behaviour, i know i get pretty insensitive and rude at times especially when i get stressed. or i get angry with myself but it doesnt come out that way, its communicated in a totally negative way. and im ashamed abt it. its not good. and im very grateful, that ive got friends who are willing to stay friends with me despite all these, who even bother telling me off for that, or tolerate it. and help me become a better person (altho im a bad student). and yes, i do believe ive been blessed to have found friends like this with whom i can make mistakes, get up on my feet and have frank conversations.

chilipadi on 8:44 PM
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