Dandelions are little miracles...

Friday, December 28, 2007

i finally got Times like These by Gary Burton and Makato Ozone from felix! wohooo. so yunqi is one happy girl now. it totally made my day. just this song. (: i had many sleepless nights just tenking abt it and craving for it la. now i just need more from his itunes hur hur . and debbies too.

so i played tour guide to eiji today. and it was worth it. haha. its always very nice to make a new friend i tenk, and thats been happening alot this year. most of these friendships sadly have come with a time limit hanging overhead. we mostly just get the chance to spend a day or two and then, one party's got to move on already. but oh well. time is always running out aint it. we just gotta cherish it and make every split millisecond worth its very while. (:

spending the day at sentosa made me feel alive (: i havent been there since gazillion mths ago. considering i mostly only went there with ideabank. hur . so we cablecar-red over and man, do i just love that feeling of being on top of the world and gliding through air (: that happened pretty much today. at hte merlion (which i must say, is great fun hoho albeit the much touristy stuff), the dragon trails we took (like 3 i tenk), the skyrides and luges which ive finally gotten a chance to experience! woohoo. chilling out at cafe del mar and people watching (there were quite a few funny interesting species around) and just chatting alot. me with my super lousy ears. he with his english which is not bad (: and so yes. i had fun. and im happy i got to know a new jap friend (:

looking at ur picures online brings tons of i dunno...mixed feelings? nostalgia, weird sadness, happiness for u and doubt. doubts abt if i made the right choice, years ago. its been already years dude. and yet it seems like only a few mths ago. look at how fast time has flown by us. and i still am having doubts, if i did the right thing. but you do look much happier now. you look great and glowing (: and matured. uve grown. and. i wasnt there at all to witness that.
so did i make a dreadful mistake then? but the knowledge that i couldnt give you all of my heart holds me back.
and so there u go. but every now and then, i do think of u. i do think of what we could have been.
oh im such a goon.

chilipadi on 1:46 AM
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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

merry blessed christmas to all!! (: family gathering at the grandaunts' was wonderful. as always. (: this is the reason why i look forward to christmas especially. every year, all five families gather at aunty michelle's or grandaunts' and we have a gorgeous potluck party. i love how everyone starts streaming in (noisily, or in a state of blurness. its either one of these) and the whole house starts filling up and its all warm, cosy and happy. under the xmas tree or in one corner, u have the lil kids huddled up, being all secretive with some mummy's handphone or psp. and we have tons and tons of kids! seventeen in all. another on the way coming. and sometimes plus two more if sharon n samuel are there. the big kids go around and we have weird funny conversations and disturb each other to hte max. this time round it was bobbies chinese. hehe. and the adults join in the general scheme of FUN. (: so there....the reason why i love xmas, chinese new year and so on.

chilipadi on 8:13 AM
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Sunday, December 23, 2007

Sing! by saint andrews sec choir today. tog with crescent girls. (:
it was shiokness to be part of the concert. i loved the pieces, the diversity of the music in come on children lets sing, in didnt my lord deliver daniel, in mid winter and of course, mighty wonder! sitting on stage preparing to play, feels like gearing up for takeoff in a plane, feels like a boxer all ready to strike. just like how peekay might have felt in the power of one. the feeling of being a part of such awesome music is simply magical. and just that alone can make me go high high high. (: u see, one doesnt need drugs to get high. the all encompassing power of music, it lifts me up.
and makes me one happy girl. (:

ive enjoyed playing for the saints. such funny dear boys. with so much enthusiasm for singing (: with their weird antics, sharp observations and hilarious lines: ms pianist what do you want to see in your thankyou card? - that was from jeremy this aftnoon. its been a joy to make music with these boys, makes my day. all the time.

and to play for the chrysanthemums, my alma mater was cool. today was kinda my first time hearing them properly in a long while and it was impressive. the girls so enjoyed singing, they made me smile. and it was great music. woohoo!!!

and so here ends a happy day. yummylicious food at indulgz with the family, the reception and the woohoolicioius german food at magma! the concert!! and seeing tons of people who made my day. hur hur.

chilipadi on 2:23 AM
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Saturday, December 22, 2007

sometimes, music alone can express much more than words could ever. ms ching always tells us, its harder to make someone cry or to touch them with your music, than it is to make them smile or laugh. and how true it is. there are times when i am touched to tears while watching concerts, like for example the chopin no.1 played by sergio tiempo. or moved beyond words, during the takacs quartet in london. or the bayerisches ballet. and yes, during syc's last concert in spain. somehow these are the ones that remain with u longer. they kinda dig into that exposed spot and wham bang. there u go. maybe its because we tend to talk abt the sad stuff less. they're just kept quietly inside, and when ure alone u nurse these wounds, take them out and sink into depression for a bit. such music, beautifully played, speaks out to the inner demons we have inside. and u feel somehow, that ure not alone. its a universal language, with the ability to reach out to all. no words required. and thats beautiful.

things i would love to accomplish in this lifetime.
1. start the ideabn*k company pte ltd with my ideabn*k darling who btw is mia yet again! and fulfil that dream of being planners. for all events! n also housemates.
2. study design, at least at a summer school. (: that would be awesome. and i would love to have a part time job of designing, painting, drawing cards, booksleeves, shoes, clothes and what nots.
3. collaborate with my two sisters. that would be ultimate coolness.
4. accomplish the europe trip with old man teow! all that planning was exciting. (:
5. keep chamber colours, chamber tapestry, and WXY all running full steam, long term, international, and ever-growing (:
6. accomplish the granny world tour and retirement grand scheme at long last. starting with the asia backpacking, and 1/3 spain 1/3 germany 1/3 aussie retirement. with our teeth dropped out.
7. have kids to call my own.
8. marry the love of my life. (my spanish chef). hur hur.
9. learn scuba diving. go back to redang and visit the people there.
10. speak perfect german. (n french and spanish and japanese????)
11. fulfil the perfect dream of being a chamber musician and accompanist. thats a dream job man. n its my internship now hur hur.
12. and hereu go, this is for now, the most important. to *** **** * ********** ** ******* ** ******* in summer 08 and then, everything. everything can go vrooom. everything can begin to happen. everything, depends on this.

so many things! i do hope i finish all tho. (: i would be really happy.

chilipadi on 2:11 AM
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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

funny isnt it, how its just so easy to talk to certain people. no need to borrow a leaf out from alene's book and ponder abt what on earth to talk abt. funny how time can literally fly so crazily fast when ure with some people, and yet with others, it just crawls along at snails' speed.
such people are hard to come by. with them its so easy to be myself. be hyped up and theres that sense of understanding and connection in ur thoughts and ideas.

meeting teow today was good. (: and time did indeed disappear. 3 hours plus seemed too short. he is one great person to talk to. randomness, hilarious, and brimming with ideas i like. chamber tapestry! and europe trip! woots. was great to see him aft he flew off, and its interesting how we've always known each other existed and had so many common friends; but we never ever talked till this year. and then i discovered how easy it is to be around him. see, again another friend made a tad too late. but then again, better late than never yes?

and then there was the one meeting that i kinda dreaded. its still back aint it? that barrier, so invisible that it looms overhead all the time. what u conceptualized, was it just a figment of ur imagination? or was it painting a story we both know so well?

and theres tons of movies i wanna catch! hoho . goodluck chuck was good. we were giggling mad over the penguins. jerry seems like ure one popular guy with movies ehhhh. uve gt like three under ur belt already! it was a good day with nix and phoenix too. (: timed shopping, faith -stalking, yummy starbucks, photowhoring, and just talking. (: its true, we meet so often yet theres so much to say all the time. not to mention our ability to carry out whole 4 part conversations silently. hur hur. thanks dudes.

somewhere along the way, we lost our heads.
aint that true?
im now trying to find back my head with the brains unextracted and shoot for my lil piece of star filled heaven.
goodbye folks, i feel pretty random.

chilipadi on 12:40 AM
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Thursday, December 13, 2007

do you ever tenk abt growing old? ive never given much thought to it till today. and i guess, seeing the many elderly people around me, i was struck with a certain sense of terror. i dont wanna become one of those helpless little ladies that rely entirely on hired help to get around. neither do i wanna spend my retirement going in and out of hospitals, have tubes stuck into me and become a nuisance to my family and friends.
i would love to be an active granny still. and that of course includes the many activities fia and i have thought of doing. my granny friend (: i was talking abt this with mum and we both agreed, keeping yourself mentally, physically and psychologically fit and active is important. the dreams of early retirement and such might sound like heaven sent, but in truth and reality, are they really so? its what you do with these years i suppose. sometimes, the idea of pampered luxury is nicer than it actually happening.
i dread to think of my darling grandmas, grandaunts and etc becoming so. already it is happening. to people i hold so dear to my heart, people who took care of me and inspired me in my childhood. people who used to be so strong minded. they're slowly slowly slipping away. and it pains me to see them in such a helpless state. so u see, what you wish for might not be such a good idea after all.
had a good chat with zhirui online yest. what he says is true. everyone has different priorities in life. and its part and parcel of every relationship, be it friendship, family or such. when it happens that you do not have the same priorities anymore, its rather sad too. again its so subtle and nobody can actually place a finger on it, but its there. u know it. i know it.
sometimes i tenk im in too great a rush. sigh. i wanna do everything all at once. like snap snap go. haha. in a way im so greedy. greedy for life. to wanna live everyday to its fullest. but tahts not very good. i crave for days that i can spend at home, disturbing the mama, and stick the butt in the piano stool the whole day. such days provide a calming sense of peace, and self reflection which i ve grown to love. and to just work at the music. such a privilege.
and then again, i wanna do so much. i wanna practice, attend concerts, write music, listen to msuic, meet up with friends, family, grandaunts, shop, study german, learn dance, learn so many thousand things, go hiking, go swimming, go backpacking, eat, cook, design my cards, draw, paint, make stuff. blah blah. sigh.

chilipadi on 1:24 AM
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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

meeting with sponsors. whirlwind of planning. meetings. rehearsals. rushing around the tiny island. train rides bus rides, endless ones. tons of pieces. eating lots of cheese. meeting friends. impulse buys. life, upon returning to sg.
getting initiated to the disgusting world of reality is a huge letdown. to learn that everything you saw on the surface n imagined, isnt so beautiful. that nothing is quite so innocent; they all come with ulterior motives. sth we always joke abt, but its a part and parcel of everyday life. in the business world, the media, even the world i live in. so how does one ever know which is right anymore? who can one really trust? and is everything just a rigged event, are we all puppets, marionettes dancing to the big boss' tune? i dont wanna be one. and neither do i want to see suc things happening. but eventually at one point or another, we all end up being so. its a vicious cycle of life perhaps?
its sth i don know much abt, not that i would wanna know much too. it makes me SAD.
but i do admit ive learnt a lil abt it. enough to put me off.
everything, everything is money centered isnt it?
we cant even play music in peace.
im abit jaded in truth, but im okay. its a learning experience after all.

chilipadi on 12:41 AM
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Monday, December 10, 2007

new skin! i guess this one is much easier to read. but somehow, not so me yes? haha. but its rather nice too. I LIKEEEEE (: thanks yunyi. (: few more adjustments to do. in the meantime. i shall get more sleep. tschus!

chilipadi on 2:03 AM
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Thursday, December 06, 2007

so its been a full rainy day. i hate the rain. it makes the whole world go all gloomy. grey skies awash, and everything just seems to get more chaotic and hurried. people on the streets scurry to get out of the cold and wet; the atmosphere hangs heavy with an ominous, brooding sense of foreboding. this seeps steadily into ur belongings, ur clothes and shoes (yes especially the shoes! they turn SOGGY! how very gross), ur very being. and bogs down ur mood like a heavy sack of cement. and u just wanna creep into your bed where all is warm. or just sit by a windowseat and read. thats prolly the best way to spend such a day!!

unlike the sun. mr sun, ure my favourite. (: dont u just love it when the landscape (or oh well we only have buildings n roads in sg) gets all nicely warmed up by the sunlight flooding down? streaming down on to earth, lighting up all corners with that special warmth that goes right to your heart and the tinytoes of ur feet that wriggle with anticipation of a perfect day to come. one where u can frolick all day in the waters, on the beach, dance along the paths, and eat al fresco! (: i love it! the entire world bathed in yellows goldens pinks and whites.

i have an odd habit of listening repeatedly to songs i fall in love with recently. but thats not so good cos the risk of getting sick of them is rather high. but so far. so good. (: ravel piano concerto in G second movt is tops for now. its stunningly still, heartachingly beautiful and yearning. always, it moves me, close to tears. ravel is indeed a genius in my opinion. the first n third movts are wicked, the raw energy, coupled with that elegance of jazzinspired music. i love the rhythms, the accents, the orchestral colours, the dialogue, the pulsating tension and of course his unique chords. woohoo. same goes to his piano solos, the piano trio, the string quartet. (:

sometimes i get really sad thinking abt how everyone's gotta strike out on their own at some point in time and leave those close to them at home. more like, how we'll have to part someday and not see each other for a long time. at one point or another. and how it is sad that there is never enough time. for everyone. to spend time with them all. to get to know everyone u really wanna know better. that u meet friends so late in life.
that was totally random. but i just got v sad tenking of it. so i had to write it out. but im all right. i just had to get it out of my system.

twinnydate was wonderful. (: shes one sneaky girl. and we still have perfect timings hur hur (:

chilipadi on 1:37 AM
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Monday, December 03, 2007

ive been pretty hyped up the past few days. whee. esplanade is the reason so. and wxy. plus a few other alphabets. and when yunqi gets hyped up, the world starts spinning faster and she hyperventiltes abit more than the usual rate and things get happening. (:
and im so awesomely amazingly grateful, awed and whatever other adjectives u could ever find to describe for me what im feeling inside. im just thankful. (: and so humbled and touched. at how there are people in this world who just willingly volunteer their help and support and encouragement to others. these are people with huge hearts. and they re-inforce in me what life is really abt. giving so much of themselves without asking for anything in return from you. thankyou thank you and thankyou. and so, i will give sth back to society. it might not be a lot. but its the best i can. the rest, i will make up for with my music and actions. and i hope i can do the same too, i hope i can bring that bit of cheer n smile to those that i give to.

matteo inspires me constantly and amazes me with his awesome videos and music. i'll post some up when i find the links. but for now, i just wanna write here that he's one super cool multitalented person man. i like!!!!

and i get damn pissed when so and so disses my career path. "ah well, u have such a relaxed life. u just do what u like everyday. sit at the piano and play songs. how can that be called working? u don have a proper job! " and so the list continues. well excuse moi....mister. too bad for you that You dont have a job u enjoy. and if its jealousy that is spurrring u on to make such comments, then i can only say that i was so wrong abt you from the start. u play an instrument at that too hello. aint this what a job should be? it should be what u enjoy doing, for every moment of it, even the bad and the challenging. im proud to say that ive such a job. (: comments like this, in such a condescending tone, make my blood boil thoroughly. and i feel like slapping so n so. but i will control myself. too bad for u, you ve never experienced the feeling of waking up everyday to unpredictablities, to a full day of ur most favourite activity, and to exciting challenges and peace. that doesnt even half describe the joy.

im loving my new cool toy!!! and i hope casper's friends are enjoying their canon and olys. hoho. expensive toys some people have. i like!

chilipadi on 9:28 PM
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