Dandelions are little miracles...

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

been a long time since i last updated. life's still the same. its become mundane. to the point where im draggin my feet to school. literally. the passion's still there. but wheres the energy? its flown away. sighs.
sometimes, recently i just feel like crying. tears just flow out, and it scares me cos i din even know it was coming and they jsut rush out and im like in school or outside! omg! thank god, no one saw it manz. hehe.. if not, tats it. at times like this, only the piano is of any use. just seat myself there, and play. bang my chords, or play my kabelevsky, or some liszt. and its the only thing that keeps me going.
fortunately, or unfortunately? i wish it was you tho.
few highlights: went to sing kbox with jeremy clarence jeremiah and royce on good fri. hoho! was fun..but ehs..hhaha.. i couldnt sing those duets..kinda..and jeremiah sang my part for me..not bad rite! duet btw the j's! :) was singing the stef sun song when it brot back memories of xy and the worse part of it. of how i felt aft it ended. lucky i controlled myself. but, thanx guys twas great!
met up with my darlings simin and hf for dinner last week too...omg, i miss those two bimbos so much!!! hoho...it was an utterly enjoyable, enlightening, philosophical and very very happy, giggly, time for us. i love you two!!
yeps..oh! and i met up with my bear club too! din really get to talk to them tho. but i got to talk to jan!! hoho! miss ya dear..aint you glad i was there? if not nobody to entertain you on that table! :)
gues that will be all for now. going to sleep.
to my frens like jeremy, nooz, leen, and smint, thanx for all your concern for me. im glad i have ppl to tell my nonsense to. thanx alot for talking to me...yeaps..you guys take care too alrites.. i'll be here for you too.

chilipadi on 11:03 PM
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Sunday, March 20, 2005

how do couples sustain marriage? what if they do not get to see each other for five days of a week? they simply have no contact at all..and during the period of time they get to meet, they use close to half of it quarrelling. or one party uses it sleeping while the other uses it to scold the other half. it amazes me to the max, how such a marriage can go on. arent they tired about it? cant they give way? wats the damn damn blardy point to quarrelling? arent they bored? are they just going on just for convenience sake? how can there still be any love left? or is carrying on just for their children? or..what? just what? some couples, they seem happy enough for everyone. but are they really? what on earth would cause one party to stray? just what is lacking in the other half that causes one to look for it in another person? cant they talk it out? thats what relationships are about, aint it? communication and mutual understanding.. above all and everything. there must be absolute honesty. trust. ahh. trust. how often is it violated. underestimated. the power of trust. when one party's trust in the other is gone, everything is lost. its like...a building with its walls knocked down. what else is left? nothing. nada. zilch. zero. all gone. gone.

sorry abt the long absence. been very busy. glad that history exams are over. now theres projects tho. and horrible harmony. and accomp. and ps. jiayou everyone.
leen darling...great p+p crashes on sat! so proud of you :)
finally went to watch hitch with tarng. good show. good to see you too. dun be so sad over tekong lehh...yeps..cya ard

its coming back. the dejavu feeling. the feeling that sucks. and makes you feel as if all hope on earth is gone. and you are just alone again. for a whle. i was made to feel that its been worthwhile. in a space at the back of my mind. i have been waiting for long. but well. i guess im just a jinx. i need to get back to earth. to forget. let go. cos i have learnt. that nothing goods gonna happen. im alr used to it.
but while it lasted. it was great. it was inspiring and it made my days. made me feel almost complete. that i would have my tiny piece of heaven. bye

chilipadi on 5:58 PM
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Friday, March 11, 2005

whoopeedoooss!!! my dear gigolo is back and we went back to nj on wed to surprise the juniors there.and eat our longanredteajellywithevaporatedmilk!.so much fun. actually hes just too damn bored here.being the only male in his aunts place and growing fatter day by day..okok i shall not be mean :)but..ah. its great to see him again after sucha long time. to tell him all my nonsense..to have someone whos just happie to entertain me with his nonsense. to just talk to a very dear friend about so much stuff. ehs.faster return here k then you will get your longawaited surprise.
saw all the bearclub ppl..yea. miss them so much too..=)
went to nus to watch nusso..dah's solo. good solo, i still insist :)

i think teaching shld be a two way thing..support needs to come from the one being taught too..if you dun even put in effort and show that you want to learn..how do you expect to do well even? do you noe how rude it is to be staring into space or visibly think abt something else when someone is trying to explain sth to you. its blardy frustrating. u still have to do it so y dun you stop complaining and make us both happier.
you din even look at me. maybe you did. but i din see. it was as if we were both invisible to each other. sometimes i think im a fool. maybe im just being a sub again. the story of my life. its spent hallucinating. why does it seem,it only matters to me
somehow i tenk it wont ever happen.

chilipadi on 3:16 AM
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Tuesday, March 08, 2005

* From behind their dark masks they gazed at one another like foreign spirits from two distant planets, as if they were two stars in a solar eclipse, and each soul observed the other from a great distance, wanting thereby to appear all the more distinct.* - jean paul, Flegeljahre

chilipadi on 4:48 PM
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Friday, March 04, 2005

listening to track 9 from Obrigado Brazil played by Yo-yo Ma.
a piece of beautiful music that touches me both rhythmically and melodically....somehow listening to it makes me feel like cryin.
i played for my v first music platform this wed.and it was a wonderful experience for me. ..for the first time i actually felt a sense of achievement and great joy after i performed the piece. felt that despite all the hand shaking(which was v bad)and thumping heart...i did justice to jennys compo..interpretation.feelings and all. no screw ups. no missed notes and blah.. and i actually enjoyed it! hohohoho...
it was also nuz's first platform..hoho..wad a great day.. :)
lunched at estella and bot fishdippers for yw...we ran in the rain back to sch. passed it to her.harmony test over alr. now. rushing my analysis ;)
all the best for the A level results, my dearest frens..
tkae care peeps!

chilipadi on 10:43 AM
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