Dandelions are little miracles...

Sunday, February 27, 2005

sunday.(today). phone spoils at last and flys to heaven for a honeymoon leaving me so sad and wanna cry! hehe...but wells...after tat it was the first time i hear myself banging out jennys first theme on the piano so damn loud . it was...a rather...great feeling.
monday. play for mr goh again!!! dammit! im scared....but hey girll....relax. i must do it well. and i gotta rush down to wisma to send my blardy fone to the doctors! and oh no. its victors bday and i din do a single thing.
tuesday. principal study ahh. how ahhhh... chopin etude ahh.... sighs! stress!
wed. omg omg omg omg omg omg omg the super scary day.
thurs. omg times 1000000000000000. harmony test. unstudied. assignments. short note is very short...
lalala. the most horribly stressful demanding week in my two months! haha. ciaos pple!

chilipadi on 11:21 PM
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Thursday, February 24, 2005

What is our life but a series of preludes to that unknown song of which the first solemn note is sounded by Death?
im tired. very tired.
and my dearest friend. i cant tenk of how to make your days better. i want to so much. i m sorry. hold on.

a quote to share.
Love is the first enchanted dawn of all existence; but who is lucky enough not to have his first delights of happiness interrupted by some storm, the mortal blast of which dissipates Love’s illusions, the fatal lightning of which consumes its altar; and where is the cruelly wounded soul which, on issuing from one of these storms, does not seek to rest his remembrance in the calm serenity of the life of the fields?

chilipadi on 4:58 AM
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Saturday, February 19, 2005

the things we experience in life force us to change. mould us into who we eventually become. change. its a word we all can never escape from. whether you fear it. embrace it. what then abt maturity? how do you perceive maturity in a person? is it how that person carries himself? his thoughts? his behaviour? how he handles situations? and what abt relationships-friends, bgr, etc? why does one chooses to be friends with another. what is it...that special factor that makes one become so close to another human being? looks? character? similar interests? opposing personalities? a spark of chemistry maybe? security? the way that you manage to forgive that person for all his faults?
in recent months, or weeks, i have started looking at myself. thinking abt me. and the ppl i know. somehow. i feel that many have changed. including myself. is tat good? for some maybe. to me. i became more independent. perhaps life in nafa made me so. i do things on my own more. and somehow tat makes me proud of msyelf. hehe. but then again. im disappointed in myself. i have become much colder....in many ways. i dun smile so much to pple i guess.. im so rude. sometimes i dun even realize i am. until someone has to tell me. and then i realize with a shock the kinda person ive become. where has that supposedly helpful and nice girl gone to? in her place is some kinda narrow minded girl. some spoilt brat. somebody who tenks she how great and so has no time to help her mum, her sis, to reply nicely to an innocent salesperson. i hate myself sometimes.

sometimes. being alone is necessary. to reflect on things. to think. and just be comfy in your own skin. and contented. it allows one to settle down, be who she or he really wants to be.
also, one tends to behave differently when he is with a different set of pple. i get what jeremy means when he says he wanna be alone. yet not. sometimes i wish i could bury my head like an ostrich. as qin said yest.. being able to be alone comes with maturity. i tenk its quite true. it gives you the space to think and ponder abt things. to figure stuff out.
its saddening when you leave behind sth. when you put in so much effort in to something and after you are gone. it just kinda falls apart. and you have no idea what to do abt it. cos frstly you aint supposed to be there anymore. secondly you would be a kpo. you have no idea wat they want you to do. or well. do they even want you there. its a helpless feeling. watching it disintegrate. and it means so much to everyone.

chilipadi on 12:49 AM
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Thursday, February 17, 2005

its been a tiring week. maybe im working too hard. but some sadistic voice inside of me keeps on pushing me to do more. more. more. hopefully i'll be able to successfully keep awake tonight.
yeps so basically up till now. i dun have much memories of the week but for practicising, practicising and more practicisng. the accompaniments . my etudes . and jen's compo. not complaining tho. im honoured that my frens asked me to be their pianist. aft all, its really fun too to work with them. and for jen, to play such a great compo. beautiful. schumann-like in some parts, esp the split personality playing. oriental at times. droll. charming. crazy. woohoo! my friend the wonderful composer! hahha...
dear girl no worries alrights. i promise you it will be a success! will put in my 200% into it!
yiwei bot me the horn chocs!! woohoowoohoowooohoooo how absolutely delicious and prettie. haha. im delighted. thanx alot alot girl. thanx for the vday pres from you and bro. i love it... prettieeeee :) hope you like the cookies too. and heys. smile smile smile!!! i love you guys.. super mum and bro and uncle and the 2 stepfathers :)
ideabank: the proj convincing aint gonna work so we might as well forget abt it. the d is a blardy slow species. i have no energy for that. but thanx for everything. and for tolerating my nonsense. whee hee. hope piano today was great. and abt the person who gave you the star paper bag deposited in my house now, :) i help you box him alrites? haha! yippeee

chilipadi on 1:29 AM
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Sunday, February 13, 2005

whoopeedoos! im still at leens house with dear huili who is a lousy baker ..baking cookies. hehe...yummie tho. but i bet everyones gonna get diabetes aft eating them.. and i just revealed my secret but nvm. thanx you two for a great sunday!!
and my papa laurence came my house today. to visit my mum for cny. hoho... =) and i am damn tired again. and the cookies smell yummie.
din get to meet tarng. :( bot him sth tho.
sth bad happened. very sad thing. horrible. wish i could do sth than just helpless.
sth traumatising happened to me yest nite too. at 1.30am. im blardy stupid. help. everyone take care of the blardy hacker on the prowl.
lotsa things to do. dead.
had a great family dinner wit dah101 and bro. haha... seoul garden and the table of pink piggies beside us and lotsa candid cam pics of me. how evil.
and theres a lousy d** somewhere. cant be bothered.
happie vday to everyone tmr. even tho you aint attached its ok. its a day for frens too hehe.... anw.
i love you guys!
wheehoooo.... *hugs*

chilipadi on 9:04 PM
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Thursday, February 10, 2005

update on my life..
not much tho..on the 6th feb..went for west winds concert first half. haha..not bad. its one of the bands in sg whose concerts i enjoy attending and i like listening to. nice repertoire. and ta-da! i went for it alone! im proud of myself!!! hahahaa....i just went in and sat at the back...and pretend that always go for concerts alone... hehe. :)
left aft first half. rushed to school to meet uncle marcus. :) his biggg biiiig day!!! omg im so so proud of him. he played in his solo debut recital at yms that night and wah..heavenly sound man. like...really really nice. jin ta lao shi saved the best for the last! hehe...i had great fun accompanying him too. yeps!
went back to jb on tues to visit my grandma. woohooo!!! i miss her so much!!! and my cousins and my aunts.....and at midnight the entire neighbourhood was bombarded with fireworks attack hahaha...its damn damn cool la. so pretty and beautiful and noisy and woohoo... EXCITING MAN! those rich souls there...hehe...thanx for sharing the joy in the night sky. the entire sky was full of fireworks exploding...all kinda colours...gold silver blue pink green purple.. those n-day kind. some looked like stars..at one time, they set off many of these in quick succession and well...that was really truly awesome. and when 2 families from opposite ends of the neighbourhood set off more simultaneously, gosh. it was like a bomb attack or sth...scary k!

i guess its all these things which are the most beautiful on earth. things that never last. or you never noe when they might just end. disappear. poof. a sunrise. a sunset. fireworks. we cherish them for that spark of beauty in that instant, a burst of radiance, and then it is gone. never to be seen. but in that split mili-second, the awe it inspires within us and that beauty.....really worth it.

chilipadi on 1:43 PM
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Sunday, February 06, 2005

tired.tired.
thanx to leeen for brightening up my day. and tarngs call. and felix. haogen =)
quote from felix's teacher. "if you take big paces, you will leave big spaces".
how true...as felix puts it... its sth like "a shortcut taken, a route unexperienced". something to ponder and do sth abt...in practising, in music, in life.

sometimes as i sit in the bus, as i wander down the streets, or as i walk home alone.. i find myself looking for you. scanning the crowds for you..that familiar face... the way you walk.. the mambo bag. the poser hair. the cap. it just comes automatically to me. at times i spot someone who looks like you. and i peer closer. harder. i dont want to meet you. but its just a strange desire. to just see you. see how you are getting on. weird aint it. i just wanna look at you from afar. and tats all. i realize we never took a single picture together before. sigh.
i'll never forget you. you tenk i will, but nah. its impossible.

chilipadi on 1:14 AM
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Friday, February 04, 2005

deep down everyone of us. beneath those happie smiles and laughter, the crappiness and nonsense, and the cheerful facade. we all have problems of some kind. some to do with love. some to do with family. some..work. stress. or their lives. their friendships.
yet we all go on with our lives. just...toiling on and on. some find it easier. for some. its a horrible way of living. but ultimately. its the courage they find from within themselves in such times to spur them on. to motivate and lead them on. an inner strength which comes from having to suffer in one way or another.
for me. i find this courage. and strength. beautiful in a way. touches me. that all these people. are going on. putting on a brave front. a facade. it aint easy at all.
behind every mask, theres a story waiting to be told.
to my dearies. live on. with optimism. live life to its fullest. and i hope everything will be alright for you one day. take care.

chilipadi on 1:57 AM
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Wednesday, February 02, 2005

woah. came online after a long absence and discovered all the many tags on my blog...am touched.
suddenly i miss my gigolo alot...i miss seeing our lockers in the house rm with our names pasted across the side on masking tape..hehe..him conning me to the canteen to treat him longanredteajellywithevaporatedmilk.and we will share it and those silly j1 girls nearby will look at us and wonder to themselves if we are tog and we will try to behave like we are and amuse ourselves. his chikopek expressions. his funny funny jokes and lame stories. how he can make me laugh so much. the silly stuff he tenks of doing. his endless encounters of his godbrothers and sisters and how he gets cheated by them. how he likes to make it seem like im dying to go shoppin with him when actually...hehe..he cant tenk of anyone else to do the job. his favourite one-liner: "got no money lahh...", his fave piece..one that he made up himself..and the beginning is just one note which he plays over and over again, accompanied by the grimaces and contortions of his facial muscles supposedly to convey sadness and great feeling =) even being his punching bag when he is bothered. basically hes just a v great, entertaining friend of mine who cares alot and is actually a good person to confide in despite all his nonsense. someone i trust. and hes actually a SNAG as he likes to tell us. =) haha....this one me and leen will discuss further but for now, we give ya the benefit of the doubt.

And the sad thing? he aint coming back to sg till like forever...which means i wont get my beef fried rice treat...which means i wont get to insult him and get insulted in return...till goodness knows when..
gigolo bob......i mean it..hows those extra 4kg doing on your bod huh haha =) please dun grow any fatter! if not when you come back i will make you run nj track with me.... cos i havent been running for some time already! then you will suffer! anw....happie happie happppie belated birthday to you....and apologies for not telling you abt this...
to make up for it. i dedicate this entire entry to you okay. there. you shld feel oh so honoured now.

the end.

-a production by yunqi-

chilipadi on 1:55 AM
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