Dandelions are little miracles...

Saturday, January 29, 2005

went for sso tonight. was worth the money... jennifer koh. had a wonderful hair gel .haha. the passion and emotion she put into her playing....it was truly inspiring... i like nielsen's violin concerto. its nice. listening to the opening bars of strauss' also sprach zarathustra..reminded me of njcsb. hehe. great concert.
sightread thru beethoven's trio for flute and bassoon in the morning with eewei and kevin. woohoo! was fun..some difficult piano parts tho...but nice...hope we play it well im so excited =)
dinner with partita pita passacaglia pea zhang..and my dear bro alma ritornello ong.... yeps yeps..
a few shout outs:
leen....hey babe... im really sorry abt everything....thanx for being my darlingest idea bank partner in crime and i love ya alot alot and just hope things go well for you soon... will call you tmr alrites...take care!!! dun feel so bad abt stuff...you noe you really made me feel better today and yea..thanx for being here for me. take care!!
huili....japanese! haha! have fun being hobbes..*winks* thanx for making me laugh always and im lookng forward to cooky baking and dinner sometime and your pres for your fren!!! woohoo! will keep your secret name safe with me! haha..
dahling no1: sorry abt my recent moodswings. and sorry for the naggin. but at the end of it all, i just sincerely hope you will take good care of yourself. and dun over tire yourself. alrights? tsk.

thanx for bringing it up. will try harder. and make greater effort...and i just hope it works. i din noe you read this. sorry sorry abt everything. take care. hope you can solve your other prob too. good luck ya..

chilipadi on 1:33 AM
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Tuesday, January 25, 2005

i know i may always sound like im making lame excuses. my excuses sound empty to me even. getting routine. always the same. "not free. busy.loads and loads of work to do! dying under all the practisicing i have to do.."blah. but it is true. dun i wish i could be less busy too. but i am.. and its hard for me too.
i have been trying my very best in school so history wont repeat itself. cos this is wat i have wanted to do all my life and i took the chance so i cant waste this chance. cos i dun wanna waste my life anymore so i wanna put in my 102%. and its the truth that i really do have lots to do. just wish that you guys could at least..appreciate my effort a lil.
just makes me feel like a lousy friend sometimes. maybe i am.
my entries are getting more and more horrible. sorry.
the above. is just meant for my frens from nj. a kind of apologies for always being m.i.a. and not spending enough time with you guys.

do you even realize whats happening to us? maybe as you said. its just not impt to you. at all.

chilipadi on 11:40 PM
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Saturday, January 22, 2005

woohoo! let me tell you abt my fantastically crazy and tiring week. actualy the days might be wrong cos i dun really rmb the days la...but wells...these are wat happened these few days
*ahem*action*take one* k....went with my dahling no1 to view the botero sculptures for spore arts scene. man....were they huge. tenk they are like how many times my size! took lotsa photos and tat evil girl made me be the model for her artistic photos..hehe but they were nice. v....artistic. =) haha...post it up one day. we like the horsey! yeps..oh wells. they all have really nice feet..so round. had a really great time.
hmms..wad else. oh! went out with tarng yest..aft school. woah i was really really damn mentally exhausted already. but yea... we went to watch 'shall we dance' at ps...caught a really late show tho. first row too. blehs. neckache! and he was late! haha..but k la. i forgive ya... had a great time too...woohoo! just hope he takes care of himself there...and his cough gets better. haix
it was a nice show. touching at times. comical. abt how..dreams shld be chased. love. marriage.
this line touched me alot...goes sth like
"we get married so that there's a witness to our lives. there are so many millions of pple in this world. we get married so that our lives dont go un- noticed. you are promising to witness the good and the bad in each others lives. to go thru the happy moments and sad, the bad moments, the falls...together. "
it just touched me alot. esp the way she said it. the wife i mean.
hmms...
oh well...slept only 2 hours on tues nite and 3 hours on wed nite...doing sch work. =) heh.
went out with the mouse- huimin today! woohoo! had a great time with her...havent seen her in ages so we jsut went shopping..and talking abt stuff in class .she bot this nice brown skirt . looks great on her. and..i saw this relaly nice dresss at chaos! damn. haha.. we ate at macs outdoors.....wah. the pigeons there traumatised the two of us...haix. nvm! sakae next time with the other bears! miss ya girl...
went for nie concert with linz. not bad. nice repertoire...=) saw daryl on stage and he gave me his silly smile! haha..evil evil. and edo too with his cool crystal mouthpiece...i still want my treat lo.

somehow i just feel things btw us arent the same anymore. sometimes i feel like you are trying. i try too. maybe i shld try harder. but i dunno wat you tenk anymore. hope it gets better slowly. you may say i tenk too much. but i miss the kind of frenship we had last year.

chilipadi on 1:43 AM
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Sunday, January 16, 2005
hmms

sometimes when you tenk that your cup of life is already overflowing, whether with the good or bad, it could very well just deliver that extra pinch.
its been a crazy week. yesterday topped the entire week. woah. and now im just smiling to myself. ever since 11.27pm last nite.
somethings are hard to put into words. tats all i can say.
sometimes things happen least when you expect it.
and life is beautiful.

oh yes. happie happie birthday to peig. i love ya!

chilipadi on 10:33 PM
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Thursday, January 13, 2005
zirong

omg! hahaha the cutest baby! lim zi rong! my dear cousin. hahha... sorrie. sound insane. but maybe i am. anw. yeps....shes da cutest manz...so chubby chubby and happie and lovable. ooh. just wanna look at her everydae and play with her. lucky she lives so near me. and comes every day too. we are all her nos 1 fans! hahahha...hmms...the wonders such a lil girl can do to cheer me up. just her smile. her laughter.
they say all babies are cute. maybe its their innocence. the pure simple joy they find in little things. like attempting to eat their own fingers or toes. or watching someone eat. their radiant smile. void of any worries. such comfort they give when hugged. their fragility. warmth. maybe its the faith and belief they put in you. to protect them. and to watch over them.

chilipadi on 8:48 PM
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sad

if only i could be void of feelings.
if only i were not capable of such strong emotions.
if only i could be so numb. wanna immerse my self in ice.
so i'll never ever have to feel anymore.
if only things would never change.
if only they remain the same. my perfect lil world.
if only i was stronger. nicer. more generous.
maybe things would not be like this now.
if only human beings were made to just feel joy. no grief pls.
if only. i were a robot.
if only. if only. if only. why cant i?
why?
why?

chilipadi on 1:01 AM
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Tuesday, January 11, 2005

only the 2nd wk of sch and im feeling like a zombie already. from lack of slp. and just feeling like everyday as the days go by im slipping away from the girl i used to be. and just so dissapointed with myself. i dun even have the courage to give a letter to someone. i dun have the determination to be strong. i dun have the confidence in my own playing. i dun have the will in me to live life to its fullest. so utterly disappointed.
gotta try harder. go back to being a cheerful. happie. girl who used to brighten up everyones day with her smiles and her nonsense. and not some useless bummer whos just bumming ard. feeling sorry for herself. gosh.

chilipadi on 1:32 AM
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Friday, January 07, 2005

empty. lost. feeling like a dumbo.

chilipadi on 3:20 PM
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Saturday, January 01, 2005

happiehappie new year to all of you guys out there!! i love you all so muchie! hahaha...ooh man i sound relaly mad. hmms...you noe i spent my new years eve at 12 midnite talking to leen and fuq online like getting really high high high! woohoo. rox +) so peig...does this mean i will spend 2005 talking to the 2 of them so much? haha! silly girl.
lemee tenk abt 2004 now. i tenk that this was the year in which i experiecned the most in my 18 years of life. like...this was kinda like a turning point for me? turningg point with point of no return.. yeps. its been a fruitful and wonderful and amazing year. like totally.
i still rmb how it felt in jan to be a retainee. gosh. the first day of sch. suxed to the core. sitting in the hall with my horn and looking at the ogls gg ard ushering the yr 1s in. wishing with my heart i could be one of them too. wishing so much. and just trying my v best not to cry. but i still in the end. the tears still came out. i dunno how i survived. but i did eventually eventho in a horrible fashion. just remember tears. and hiding. and longing. and how hard it was to be cheerful and just make frens. but i did it in the end. yea. you noe...i tenk the whole thing made me feel old in a way. and well...im just really glad i got a great class...like we are truly bonded not like my old class. and they are a bunch of wonderful ppl who cared alot for me and just accepted me into their world and i appreciate them so much even tho i was not alwaes ard for them. the bear club and ah yang and the monsters and dino catchers all...=)
i got to noe my 4 juniors xintian wanda yixin daryl and weixian. gosh. it was just a great section...with benson too. you noe..all the memories we have i will alwaes rmb. for awhile it seemed like heaven. my own lil family in njcsb. it was so sad when the 2 girls left. like..how i had tried so hard to make it fun for them and feel like they belong...but they still left. but yea. thanx for the fun. esp tt time you guys came for sleepover at my house and we baked cookys and had nonsensical pure fun. i love you all so much. benson grass dory malay wanda bimbo and yixin!
then...house reps. and my other year 2 frens. im happie we alwaes stayed in contact. i still feel like im one of you guys even tho im retained. you guys made it so much easier for me this first half of 2004. and yeps... it was good. you noe.. the birthdae party you guys had for me... touched me so much. i nv got ard to thanking you ppl. so yea. thanx alot alot alot alot!!!!!
i made the decision to come to nafa...and im not regretting it. got to make some good frens like ee wei jeremy weiping clarence....nuz..peifang jenny and laurence. and many other ppl. wat a great year! haha.
and now theres the tsunami. its sad. seeing all those ppl on news and tv....losing their loved ones and the world they once knew is now being torn to pieces.. and they noe that nothing will be the same anymore. makes you cherish wat you have even more. cherish the ppl ard you. cherish your own life. makes you see that nothing is forever..its actually very fragile....it can all be brutally torn away from you without warning. so live your eveyrday to its very fullest with no regrets at all. and live happily.

chilipadi on 3:07 PM
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