Dandelions are little miracles...

Thursday, December 30, 2004
mus'art concert

whee...band concert was yest...and its now all over over over. over. over.
i jsut feel sad about the whole thing liike i feel it wasnt really tt great a success . i din play as well as i wanted to. actually i felt like it was the one of the worst playing i played. but you noe sth i relaly enjoyed myself yest. like...it was such a great feeling being with my section ppl.. poonie. andi and tim. then the other frens like alibaba and benny. xiao wan and cindy . like. its all over now. i dunno if i will seee these ppl ever again. ppl like james and adrian and yuzhen and shawn and blah blah ...im not close to but it was jsut nice coming every sunday and seeing them. was a great experience for me. like i rem the first time i came i felt reall yweird. no one i knew and blah blah. then i got to noe more ppl starting with felix my big fren. =) like we were both late for brass sectionals and he waited for me and we talked rubbish during brass. he was like the first fren i made in mus'art. then i became more myself and got to noe more ppl like xiao wan. =) yeps...then our march concert and this...i am just happie i joined mus'art in the first place. it was a memorable..very fun...enriching experience. and its sad...to tenk maybe this will be the last time iwill be playing with thme.
anws. leens back! woohooooo. thanx to fiona chan yenyen for the beautiful horn pin she bot for me fr hk!! so sweet of her to rem me in hk =) and me and ee weei gave fifi to fifi yest ...hhahaa.....coool. we went chijmes for supper yest after the concert. thanx guys ....=) love ya all. oh and im just glad seans ok in penang.. this tsunami incident..so sad. just hope all my frens will be ok.
sth else happened yest. yes. im..rather..happie. haha. =)

chilipadi on 1:04 PM
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Wednesday, December 29, 2004
crazy

hehehe. 2 plus on the concert day and im stilll online...sitting in front of the com and playing my horn? crazy crazy!yippee...im actually quite excitied abt it..but just worried abt my disgusiting high a later...for irish tune. oh no. im scared that the roof of vch will like collapse when i play that and so embarraasing you noe! argh..... pract pract. lalalala. antying la. wadevaer....hohoho.
looking forwaed to seeing my frens later who are going to watch it!
met up with simin yest for lunch and get the annasui mirror for hf..too bad its chipped...quite sad. hmms. had a nice talk with her..and its really good you are a lil happier now. takke your time girl. =) love ya!
hmm.s..ee wei went with me to the airport to get the freakingly stupid horn chocs which are like...vAnished...voom from the island of singapore. how sad is tat man.z i went all the way there to get it! haiz. anw i bot other nice food for them la.. had nice talk with her too..bot fifi at last...=) yippee.. thanx for spending the aftnnon with me...i missed ya!
and.....ta-da! sleeping beauty on ice at nite!!! wheeee....woohoo omg its Da nicest man! so prettie the costumes and the skaters and so amazing like they dun even fall. and i was like...feeling like they were flying and wishing i could fly too and woah. like..leen is so clumsy in shoes already haha..and i walk like a dizzy duck but they are so graceful. jealous! yea.jeremy! thanx for going with me to watch it! so happiiiiieeeeee hhahaha.. hope you enjoyed it too ok. and burning chichester psalms for me...im going to listen to it till the cd player spoils manz. =)

chilipadi on 2:31 PM
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Sunday, December 26, 2004

ive just been tenking. since last nite abt the things we talked abt.
you know its like we go to schools and make so many friends and jsut how many do we actually keep in touch with like forever? last time i used to get v upset abt this cos like...so mnay ppl. its imppossible to do that and i will feel so guilty. but i just suddenly thot of it this way...if you are fated to be and if you put in enuff effort from both parties then you mite just end up going a long way. but even if it din end up liddat... i guess you could look at it this way that once upon a time these ppl were part of a certain part of your life and helped mould you into whoever you are now and left you with precious memories. thats enough actually. wanting to be in touch forever with everyone would be a lil too greedy. end up being sad only.
love too. its almost the same... i read this.
"For one human being to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but a preparation." - Rainer Maria Rike-
as simin said...ppl are always too greedy..wanting more. the best of both worlds. looking for better options. when all they shld do is be contented with what they have. learning how to appreciate the love someone gives to you and never undermining it. loving tt someone for what he has to offer to you and what he doenst. both the bad and the good. maybe thats how some couples end up staying tog for life.
random thoughts.

chilipadi on 3:52 PM
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merrie xmas to one and all!!! went out with my 'bf' on fri..xmas eve haha..=) went to watch phantom of the opera and manz..its damn good... i nv watched the opera itself but yea..this one is not bad..the elaborate costumes and dances all...the amazing voice of the singer....beautiful. but we tenk e original story is changed...as with all hollywood films. why is there the need to cahnge every single real story into a love story? hmms. we ate at b.boss for dinner... haha...more like i treated him. now im broke borke broke! great place...great ambience by the pool thingie! haha. too bad tarng din wanna jump into it for a swim and hit his head. damn!
thanx for the date.hahahahhaa.havent talked to you for a long time...and it was great to go out with you and go home tog just like last time...whee! i really enjoyed myself. dun worrie we'll go catch hitch tog alrites! you pray it doesnt comes out on jan 6 arhzzz
fri..xmas day. my darling bimbos simin and hf came over for sleepover...wheee hee heee! omg omg omg. it was like so fun fun fun!!!! hahaa...first time we had it.. and yea.. we just sat up all nite lying on the bed and talking abt like..everything. telling each other abt stupid stuff we did and our secrets and our lives and reflecting alot abt stuff.. was good. just spending such a special day with 2 special ppl and it was just a cosy. warm. comfy feeling. made me tenk abt losta stuff i dun norm take time to tenk abt. and later on watching the video the hse reps made for me.. we were missing jc life alot. i guess for them esp. aft this its str8 on to uni. scary!!!! we made prank calls to derek tarng and ahlam!! lalala....madenss...
hey girl...i dunno wat to say lerh...its all there in the book..yea. we are always here for ya alrites. like last time....my shoulder will alwaes be here for you to lean on...with your head tts lost 2 kg =) . lifes hard. but its got to go on and dun make yourself so tired crying so much and tenking abt it cos its not gonna be better like that..its just gonna make you feel worse. time will heal. even if its a very long time. take care my dear.

chilipadi on 3:16 PM
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Thursday, December 23, 2004

happie happie birthdae to yunyi! youre now 12! whee! went out with my dear lil sis todae..or well...yest... 22 to celeb her special dae...watched polar express. its the kinda movie which touches you so much you cant explain why...and makes you feel really excited abt xmas. warm fuzzy feeling.
met leen later on. wells...had lots to say abt this...but nvm. just hope you will be ok soon. take care.
nites.

chilipadi on 1:33 AM
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Wednesday, December 22, 2004

hmms...i just read wat daryl wrote on his blog abt my sound...sth abt my sound ( as in horn playing).. being big and beautiful. and how he and zhiyong likes it. and later on abt my juniors playing being wonderful too.
i dunno...when i read it i just felt like crying...like really. it just touched me alot... like...thanx daryl. for i dunno...posting that up and yea.... cant explain why. sth to do with my decision i guess. i dunno.
like how when i joined cres band and picked up the horn...learning from seniors who din really teach much and left it up to me the only junior to learn it myself. then discovering the amazing beauty of the french horn. how magnificent and noble it can sound, yet so beautiful. so warm. how i became sl...and playing solo in the concert. teaching my juniors. coming to nj and repeating it all over again. and both times i was lucky. lucky to have juniors i really loved. like...a family. and it was so rewarding to see them grow.. see them discover the f horn too. and play MUSIC. not notes. one of the most memorable memories i have. they taught me alot too in their own way.
along the way...aft i came to nafa and took up piano major.time for horn was much lessened.. cos obviously i gotta spend so much time on piano. i just wish i still had time to pract. cos i feel my sound aint that nice anymore..its something i gotta work v hard to get back. yea..tts why i wanna cry. cos its gone. not there anymore. you noe? feels like the magic's disappeared.
i dun wanna let them down. and myself. i loved that sound too. how to get it back? pract! not enuff air! no support from my diaphragm! no muscle! a result of being too lazy
for this last concert i must give my best. my very best.
and daryl. i can only pray that one day i can play taht beautiful sound for you to hear again.

chilipadi on 1:58 AM
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Tuesday, December 21, 2004

i used to tenk that trying to do well in both horn and piano would be not too hard. im way too wrong. how dumb.
sometimes i wish i have 48 hours a day. i dont. wells. maybe i gotta give it up. mayeb when im older i can pursue it again. but its gonna be hard. im gonna miss playing it.
"first with the head, then with the heart". -the power of one-
i read this in abook called the power of one. its a really inspiring story abt this lil boy who harbours a lifetime dream to become a worldclass boxer at the railways and how he achieves this dream. this dream was spurred by the great railway boxer he met on a ride. it was this very quote by that boxer which reminded him constantly of the secret to success.
yeps. it just came to me suddenly jsut now as i was talking to victor. yeps. its true. sometimes. u gotta do wats rite even if you dun want to. lifes full of hard choices.
just hope im making the rite decision.
talked to simin todae online..whee. i really miss ya lots babe. and i just hope you will be happie. reallly. i just hope i dun see another good fren getting hurt again in the same way as another good fren...cos it breaks my heart to see that. cheer up babe!! any time just call the bimbo 24/7 hotline to talk nonsense tog k! =) take care!

chilipadi on 11:43 PM
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heys. havent blogged for quite awhile. for some reason this holis seems to be very packed and busy..even tho all i did was meet up with frens and pract alot. hmms.
being a musician or just a music student is hard if you wanna do well. i remember wat my teacher told me. when you decide to enter the arts field...be it music dance or art. it becomes your entire life. guess thats v true... everyday is dedicated to perfecting your art. be it pract or listening or watching concerts etc. and the more you do it the more you learn and the more you realize how lil you noe. tats what my sch teachers used to tell me...but just never occurred to me how true tt is until now. kinda becomes...heh..addictive! wanting to noe more and pract more. maybe you become a lil of a music freak! scary. maybe thats why we and admire and respect musicians and dancers and artists so much. they put in so much effort into their profession and they sort of... plan their entire life ard it. true for doctors and teachers etc too...but i dunno... for this...its different. its an accumulation of an entire lifes hard work. daily grinding. blah blah. and its when you take to the stage with your debut performance that you finally see your fruit of labour.
its hard playing two instruments or even 3. i truly admire those who can do well in both. recently i just realized how hard it is. how to have the time to pract both and excel in both! bothering! im scared that at some point in time i gotta forego one..which will be my horn. scared i cant maintain my standard of playing which has alreeady started to drop horribly. yikes. maybe its just my time mgt skills. mite not even get to go wmc next yr. its a struggle btw wat i want and wat i shld do. sometimes wad you want aint wat you get. cant get the both of best worlds alwaes.

chilipadi on 2:48 PM
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Friday, December 17, 2004
whee

whee!!! hey hey hey!!! im back! wheeee....miss sg lots! whoopeedo! haha... yeps...returned to sg at 2am yest or today morning...watever. had a great time in msia..but too much to blog abt... so forget it =) maybe tmr when im in the mood.
hmms. missed lotsa ppl. esp my dearest idea bank pardner! yes babe..im back le...lets go out tmr and go crazy!! woohooo! lalala. looking forward to seniors farewell on 21st too...hope its great. lets see....phil winds on 20th.. band pract on sun...maybe will see uncle benny too! sleepover with aunty lai and qinn when she returns from korea.. sleeping beauty on ice....hmms. visitng my godmother tmr...gotta visit my darling grandaunt too....catalog scores...christams plans...cards...darn...juniors pres....jts....so many things to do. im going mad! uncle clara...hmms... and my dahling ee wei. where are you? you noe i really miss you alotalot. i dun even noe when you are leaving and like....just helpless. cos i cant contact you. and you dun reply my mail anymore.
anw...tagboards up...leave me a note when you guys visit ya? =) yippe!

chilipadi on 6:56 PM
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Thursday, December 09, 2004
njc prom 2004

whoopeedoo!!! im back at home! went for njc prom 2004 yest...and it was really really fun i tenk =) got to see all my old friends and talk to them and take lotsa prettie fotos...even got saboed by mamasan craig up to play a spastic stage game 7-up...omg madness manz. but was quite fun... first time i weent up to stage to play this kinda thingie...with sean and leen and ming!
yeps yeps....wore my prettie prettie pale blue top with the oriental silver designs on it and my pprettie black skirt with the oriental rose designs on it =) haha...i lurve it manz. woohoo! me leen and agnes went to agnes's aunts salon to get our hair and make up done. tampines...damn far away. crazy. but they are great....had braids in my hair. my fave! took a pic of it.
heez...went to swissotel after that...agnes's room...we were early lo. super early. dinner and everything started at 7.30 plus plus...meaning...8 plus haha. dineer was ok la. but not that good. but anw....i was jsut there to see everyone... cumarran my monster...hse reps...simin huifang..band peeps...justin..saw qinns bf too...jeremy teo...fia!(woohoo...dun worrie..your secret is v safe with me)....council....my juniors..ladaladalada. my dog came. =) straight from airport.
sat with the band peeps. miss them lots... after taht went to leens house with woof..benson and rhoda. marcus supposed to come but he conned me as usual with his poor thing excuses.. muji too...din come..nvm. another dae. played da best board game! HOTELS!!! whee..yummmie. brings back lotsa memories for me..
talked to leen at nite...long time havent talked to her.
yeps..woke up with puffed eye...only the left one too. so sad..but looked kinda cool. oriental liddat =)
wells...thanx alot alot alot you guys...for a wonderful nite. ...lala...

chilipadi on 3:57 PM
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Tuesday, December 07, 2004
tired

tired from prom shopping. tired from trying to talk to ppl and stand around and be a pot and smile and waiting and wating. waiting.waiting.waiting.
why am i alwaes the one waiting
dammit.
irritaitng.
why am i become so easily irritated until i feel so lousy myself cos i get this throat constricting feeling in myself and wadever................................
tired from being fake.
putting on fake smiles. laughing at things i dun wanna laugh at.
sometimes i wish i can just stay by myself in a jail cell with my piano and just make music.
i wish i din have to talk.
din have to think.
just...play my piano.
gosh i sound mad. but anw....maybe i am.

chilipadi on 8:03 PM
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Saturday, December 04, 2004

leens back! from m'sia! so are the other hse reps! yippee! haha...kinda missed them... esp my dear idea bank....missed talking to her on the phone lots ...its like i would always tenk of her and pick up the fone and rem shes not in sg. crazy! hmms...and my dog's in china now. hehe..hope hes having fun dere...and not bored or anything...coming back on prom. yeps =)
yeps...went swimming today...woohooo! its like...wooo! i really really love the momentum you get out of swimmin...like...its like...k. arms move head move legs move and a really cool rhythmic pattern.. and aft awhile it gets hypnotic and just....really relaxing. so yeps...i swam 25 laps w/o stopping and im proud of myslef! wheeeee =) keep fit program! yippee!
hmms...lets see...then went on an errand mission for mum...cos shes stripping our house and painting stuff...so had to go find brushes and screwdrivers and toilet plug thingies... ard the neighbourhood..like some kinda 'gettin-to-know-ur-neighbourhood-better' treasure hunt or sth. cool! was damn tired then...
pract abit....then went to meet haogen my dear bear bear! whee...long time havent met up with him. yeps...we went to fish n co..met a surprise fren there....hilda chan! =) she stayed till our seats came... was great talkin to her. we ate....coriander catch for him..baked salmon for me. deliciously yummie. calamari too and sharkie freez...he wanted to buy e fishie thingie for me...but din in the end. hee..walked from ps to bugis past my sch and took train home tog..
hey bear....just wanna ask you to cheer up k. i understand how you feel and all..cos yea..experienced tt too..dun tenk too much abt it la....time will heal . and it will get better. serious. maybe if it was another time. another place...things would be diff...but well...at least you were frens? i dunno...maybe im crapping. but yea...smile! and...thanx for a wonderful dinner. next time..i'll treat alrites? =)
met zoe at 10pm cck to talk to her. hey girl....you too! cheer up! youre a great pianist..someone who really plays with sincerity and soul and feelings...and tts what i like abt you. sincere. yeps...so nv look down on yourself again yea? just wanted to let ya noe that.. and anytime you need someone to talk to again...just lemme noe. -hugs-
yeps...a long and tiring day. time to sleep.. ciao!

chilipadi on 12:21 AM
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Thursday, December 30, 2004 mus'art concert

Wednesday, December 29, 2004 crazy