flowering plant in the Northern Hemisphere
with a globe of fine filaments
children (and the wind) love to blow away...
Click on the butterflies around the dandelions to get around.
Fire your imagination, Dream in colour
a boring old hag who loves to scream her head off, mutter in gibberish, and talk to random people on the streets.
Beautiful music. Gorgeous food. the Sun.Sea.Sand. Butterflies. Dance. Movies.
Spontaneity. Laughter. Love. Courage.
The Weird, Beautiful, and Unique.
The stuff dreams are made of
the Mini Austin!
the entire collection at HMV
my spanish chef (: im gonna marry him!
more of Desigual and Koi Nobori!
the yakpak hobo bag!
A Lifetime of Musicmaking with Inspiring People
and to share this with the world
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
i suddenly had the urge to write something here. its been nearly a year since i last did.
one year. one of the most amazing years in my 23 years of existence on planet earth.
and it makes me just hanker for more. and fills me at times with that unexplainable squeeze at the chambers of the heart. its just the tip of the iceberg. a sprawling iceberg, which will take a lifetime, or more than one, to finish exploring. do i get that privilege?
so much to do, to see, to explore, discover, and learn. to give, to receive, to experience.
one thing is certain though. it makes me so very thankful to be alive.
deep down, i am a creature of comfort. there are always the certain few songs or tunes that take me by the hand to my safe haven, my little treasure trove of memories, tinged with the rose coloured shades of nostalgia. these belong to my inofficial collection of songs i hold close to my heart, songs that bring me back to different days or periods in my life, now sepia toned, glazed over with the ethereal quality of dreams. and they're all it takes for the heart to wring itself into a crooked smile. memories do that to us dont they? somehow, most of the time its never really a real true blue smile. its always tainted with the knowledge that its past, never ever gonna come back. but you know, that makes it all the very more beautiful and precious in that moment itself.
there are also the bunch of random foods i crave with the intensity of an addict, and all the more in times of insecurity, of pain, of sadness and yes, of joy. foods like bread, all fluffed up and oozing the sinfulness of butter. warmly toasted and piled with cheese. and then theres my bowl of yoghurt. somehow, this fermented bacterial filled thing, it soothes me, it brings me a sense of familiarity, it makes me feel ok and yes, that niggling little piece of jigsaw will fall soon into place.
and on a perfect day, i find inmeasurable and unexplainable joy indulging in the luxury of staying at home, wearing my primary school walkathon tee shirt and shorts, reading a book while lolling on the bed, daydreaming under the canopy of a grandfather tree, cloudwatching in companiable silence with a friend, lying on the grass on our backs, having a coffee, telepathing, and yes, generally just enjoying the world we are in.
i want to be a person with more patience, and more understanding for the people around me, and be less spikier a person. i want to be focused on my priorities and not get distracted (by FOOD sigh and random nonsense) thats all. (:
apart from that. im happy to be here. to be who i am and for all the experiences, memories and chances ive ever had, shared, given and received in this life. happy to have the friends and family i have, even the random strangers. blessed to learn from the teachers i have. happy, overflowing with happiness to have all senses fully alive, to marvel at the amazing sky at sunset, to feel the world of emotions in music, to savour the taste of cheese, to breathe in the intoxicating sweetness of roses, to be comforted by another humans touch.
and so im happy, blessed and lucky. to be here. breathing and kicking. just to be alive.
sometimes, the scarier distance is the one you cannot measure in terms of miles and hours. the scarier distance is the one you can only feel. that feeling of unease that something is amiss. but u cant put a finger to it. its there and then it goes away. all the same it knaws steadily at your heart. what happened?
theres no words that can describe the feeling of conversing in a language unique to the people from your land. to me, its the very essence of a country. it encapsulates the fire and spice, the warmth that stretches out to embrace you, and everything, everything that is important. so i do love singlish. it summons to mind the vibrancy and totally colourful atmosphere that singapore has for me. the very air that we breathe in here. and no other words do it just as exact and right, no other language accentuates and defines so well, the very feelings we are able to convey thru singlish.
little thoughts i had today, after conversations peppered with so many of these words. they made me feel truly, at home.
i met an interesting person today. we had an interesting conversation. which left me with yet more thoughts thereafter to ponder on. sth i did not expect.
life. its such a tangled mess of emotions every day of it. tangling, weaving, unravelling, spiralling. sometimes its too complicated, i cant take it. so tell me, how does one feel so much? so much, like an avalanche of a million and one different emotions. it scares me a little sometimes.
there are some people who've already got the most important things one can ever hope to have in a lifetime, at least to me. the love of their life. the career and job they love. a family of their own, on the way. aint that a wonderful feeling to have, i think? (: and i await the day im surrounded with these too. letting my wild imagination run its course.
haha, there are many times when i do truly believe that, let loose, my imagination and the richness of my dreams combined could indeed be a bestseller.
the clarity of my dreams at times amaze me. i wake up often, struck sprachlos by the richness and depth of emotions i feel in my dreams (or alpträume at that) - there are times i wake up crying with real grief, or i catch myself, in that surreal state between the conscious and unconscious, laughing out loud full blast - and then theres the absurdity and ridiculousness of the situations presented in them - and then i spend days pondering if they could actually be true. and then, yes yes yes theres my wonderful conversation, held between unconscious gone-to-the-world Me and the lucky or unlucky friends or family sleeping beside me. who actually love it having these weird incomprehensible talks! haha.
alriight thats all for today toodles! a little discussion with me and myself about my thoughts on my dreams. HAHA. i digressed lots from the original paragraph didnt i!
there are certain people in your life, with whom you always feel wholly embraced with open arms, literally or figuratively, whether you see them or you hear their voice or its just through typed or written words, even just mere thoughts. You can fly away and when you finally return, you just pick up from where you left off and continue walking into the distance. simple as that. fuss free. effortless. as natural as breathing in air. and thats beautiful to me, the way it all falls into place, the way it moulds and fits so easily into each other. the way the thoughts and paces flow unspoken. the moments where you are struck with the exact same words. at the same time. after all that time.
the past two weeks have encompassed pretty much everything, ranging from coming down with the entire fever package to meeting up with random people and goodness knows what else. i am depressed from the lack of an audible voice right now, the feeling of thinking u were speaking audibly when in actual fact what everyone hears is just garbled warped mumbled nonsense, at a low frequency at that, is pure torture. i stood in the bathroom waiting for my mum to bring me a tee when what she heard was: i dont want! and so disappeard off to the kitchen. hah! bet all u people who ve previously suffered from ms wong's shrieks and high pitched in urface shouts, ure all smirking eh!!!! evil toots.
had a four hour breakfast with ms goon. time flew by amazingly fast, been a long time since its done that, disappear into nothingness when u felt like it was only an hour! so we sat there, sheltered from the pouring rain, while the breakfast crowd thinned and the lunch crowd entered, and had totally random, interesting, philosophical (well...i know, i tried my best to be) and inspiring conversations. it was a little like discovering a pyschic half. and i love psychic people! like how bananababe and twinny always end up calling me when im on the way home alone, or on the bus, bored to tears. perfect timing and frequencies (: and like how my grannyfriend gave me that happy book of butterflies ive been looking at for a year. ps. tcc's breakfast rocks, do try!
sat draws nearer. and in my woozy state of mind, i dunno what im feeling. i actually am just looking fwd to pure uninterrupted rest and sleep. on the plane, in notts, in duesseldorf. wherever. and im actually paranoid abt losing my luggage. its all that mister whathisname's fault, the one that appeared in this sunday's globetrotter page. he jsut had to go tell whole singapore how heathrow airport lost his luggage and now i have this impulse to stuff everything in my bagpack whenever i pack. the thought of practicing millions of hours on a steinway right at home, makes me feel excited. (: and soaking in all tt deutsch then theres the thought of possibly going usa and meeting wenhaw in another continent. ok this is so out of point n irrelevant. and theres the call of spring and summer, complete with sparkling picturebook worthy flowers! I LOVE FLOWERS. and then, u think of mum and grandaunt and the teachers and the friends and indulgz and the random people.......
when one lives far away, one hears only of the major artists in the galaxy and is often satisfied with merely knowing their names; but when one draws closer, the twinkle of stars of the second and third magnitude becomes visible until, finally, one sees the whole constellation - the world is wider and art richer than one had hitherto supposed.
a beautiful quote i discovered sitting in the baltic voices cd i bought, now that ive got the time to slowly read thru. written by the great writer Goethe in his Italian Journey while visiting an art gallery in Verona. and it does sum up, not only aptly but wonderfully, the magic of learning and discovering the world out there. to me at least. reading it, was inspiring.
and i so do adore the works and writings of the olden time writers. somehow, i do. authors like Goethe, Jean Paul Friedrich Richter and Schiller. ive never really had the time to spend reading more of their works in full, but what little chunks, paragraphs and snatches ive gleaned from my musical literature (as many great composers like Schumann, Liszt etc have been influenced and inspired too by these), has made me fall greatly in love. perhaps when im in germany alone, i ll get the time to do so. i would love that. especially Jean Paul's Flegeljahre! theirs are the doors to a world deeply rich, emotional, imaginative, at times irrelevant and always always bathed in the beauty of words that literally paint a world of thousand colours.
if i had all the time, i would wanna study these texts, write more, paint more, dabble in designing my own clothes and shoes, i would love to produce my own greeting cards, produce shows! but for now i ll indugle myself once in a while. and then, someday, maybe in another life time, yes, please let me do all these too, while focusing my life on the world of music, aiming everyday, to reach closer to the second and third magnitudes of this wide universe, hoping for the day my eyes are opened fully. GREEDY AINT I!