hyperventilating

2009-09-22T15:28:00.002+08:00

i suddenly had the urge to write something here. its been nearly a year since i last did.

one year. one of the most amazing years in my 23 years of existence on planet earth.

and it makes me just hanker for more. and fills me at times with that unexplainable squeeze at the chambers of the heart. its just the tip of the iceberg. a sprawling iceberg, which will take a lifetime, or more than one, to finish exploring. do i get that privilege?

so much to do, to see, to explore, discover, and learn. to give, to receive, to experience.

one thing is certain though. it makes me so very thankful to be alive.

2008-09-24T01:13:00.002+08:00

單單只為自己活著，可能嗎？
知道你們的辛苦，意試到你們為我操的勞。
有了這意識，心裡不好受．一股無助而慚悔的茲菋，好無耐。
覺得自己好自私。
盡不了作女兒，孫女，姪女，姐姐，表姐的責任。
也算是什麼朋友啊。
所以還是要回家，要記得為何有机會念書。
要報達，要懂得感恩。
但時間流逝得那麼快。

一轉眼，一切都有可能改辯。

2008-09-15T01:40:00.002+08:00

deep down, i am a creature of comfort.
there are always the certain few songs or tunes that take me by the hand to my safe haven, my little treasure trove of memories, tinged with the rose coloured shades of nostalgia. these belong to my inofficial collection of songs i hold close to my heart, songs that bring me back to different days or periods in my life, now sepia toned, glazed over with the ethereal quality of dreams. and they're all it takes for the heart to wring itself into a crooked smile. memories do that to us dont they? somehow, most of the time its never really a real true blue smile. its always tainted with the knowledge that its past, never ever gonna come back. but you know, that makes it all the very more beautiful and precious in that moment itself.

there are also the bunch of random foods i crave with the intensity of an addict, and all the more in times of insecurity, of pain, of sadness and yes, of joy. foods like bread, all fluffed up and oozing the sinfulness of butter. warmly toasted and piled with cheese. and then theres my bowl of yoghurt. somehow, this fermented bacterial filled thing, it soothes me, it brings me a sense of familiarity, it makes me feel ok and yes, that niggling little piece of jigsaw will fall soon into place.

and on a perfect day, i find inmeasurable and unexplainable joy indulging in the luxury of staying at home, wearing my primary school walkathon tee shirt and shorts, reading a book while lolling on the bed, daydreaming under the canopy of a grandfather tree, cloudwatching in companiable silence with a friend, lying on the grass on our backs, having a coffee, telepathing, and yes, generally just enjoying the world we are in.

2008-09-08T02:25:00.002+08:00

i want to be a person with more patience, and more understanding for the people around me, and be less spikier a person.
i want to be focused on my priorities and not get distracted (by FOOD sigh and random nonsense)
thats all. (:

apart from that. im happy to be here. to be who i am and for all the experiences, memories and chances ive ever had, shared, given and received in this life. happy to have the friends and family i have, even the random strangers. blessed to learn from the teachers i have. happy, overflowing with happiness to have all senses fully alive, to marvel at the amazing sky at sunset, to feel the world of emotions in music, to savour the taste of cheese, to breathe in the intoxicating sweetness of roses, to be comforted by another humans touch.

and so im happy, blessed and lucky. to be here. breathing and kicking. just to be alive.

2008-08-26T12:07:00.002+08:00

sometimes,
the scarier distance is the one you cannot measure in terms of miles and hours.
the scarier distance is the one you can only feel.
that feeling of unease that something is amiss. but u cant put a finger to it.
its there and then it goes away.
all the same it knaws steadily at your heart.
what happened?

2008-08-24T02:10:00.002+08:00

theres no words that can describe the feeling of conversing in a language unique to the people from your land. to me, its the very essence of a country. it encapsulates the fire and spice, the warmth that stretches out to embrace you, and everything, everything that is important. so i do love singlish. it summons to mind the vibrancy and totally colourful atmosphere that singapore has for me. the very air that we breathe in here. and no other words do it just as exact and right, no other language accentuates and defines so well, the very feelings we are able to convey thru singlish.

little thoughts i had today, after conversations peppered with so many of these words. they made me feel truly, at home.

i met an interesting person today.
we had an interesting conversation.
which left me with yet more thoughts thereafter to ponder on.
sth i did not expect.

life.
its such a tangled mess of emotions every day of it. tangling, weaving, unravelling, spiralling.
sometimes its too complicated, i cant take it.
so tell me,
how does one feel so much? so much, like an avalanche of a million and one different emotions.
it scares me a little sometimes.

2008-08-22T01:11:00.002+08:00

there are some people who've already got the most important things one can ever hope to have in a lifetime, at least to me.
the love of their life. the career and job they love. a family of their own, on the way.
aint that a wonderful feeling to have, i think? (:
and i await the day im surrounded with these too.
letting my wild imagination run its course.

haha, there are many times when i do truly believe that, let loose, my imagination and the richness of my dreams combined could indeed be a bestseller.

the clarity of my dreams at times amaze me. i wake up often, struck sprachlos by the richness and depth of emotions i feel in my dreams (or alpträume at that) - there are times i wake up crying with real grief, or i catch myself, in that surreal state between the conscious and unconscious, laughing out loud full blast - and then theres the absurdity and ridiculousness of the situations presented in them - and then i spend days pondering if they could actually be true.
and then, yes yes yes theres my wonderful conversation, held between unconscious gone-to-the-world Me and the lucky or unlucky friends or family sleeping beside me. who actually love it having these weird incomprehensible talks! haha.

alriight thats all for today toodles! a little discussion with me and myself about my thoughts on my dreams. HAHA. i digressed lots from the original paragraph didnt i!

2008-08-17T14:40:00.002+08:00

there are certain people in your life, with whom you always feel wholly embraced with open arms, literally or figuratively, whether you see them or you hear their voice or its just through typed or written words, even just mere thoughts. You can fly away and when you finally return, you just pick up from where you left off and continue walking into the distance.
simple as that.
fuss free. effortless. as natural as breathing in air.
and thats beautiful to me, the way it all falls into place, the way it moulds and fits so easily into each other. the way the thoughts and paces flow unspoken. the moments where you are struck with the exact same words. at the same time.
after all that time.

2008-03-19T01:00:00.002+08:00

the past two weeks have encompassed pretty much everything, ranging from coming down with the entire fever package to meeting up with random people and goodness knows what else. i am depressed from the lack of an audible voice right now, the feeling of thinking u were speaking audibly when in actual fact what everyone hears is just garbled warped mumbled nonsense, at a low frequency at that, is pure torture. i stood in the bathroom waiting for my mum to bring me a tee when what she heard was: i dont want! and so disappeard off to the kitchen. hah! bet all u people who ve previously suffered from ms wong's shrieks and high pitched in urface shouts, ure all smirking eh!!!! evil toots.

had a four hour breakfast with ms goon. time flew by amazingly fast, been a long time since its done that, disappear into nothingness when u felt like it was only an hour! so we sat there, sheltered from the pouring rain, while the breakfast crowd thinned and the lunch crowd entered, and had totally random, interesting, philosophical (well...i know, i tried my best to be) and inspiring conversations. it was a little like discovering a pyschic half. and i love psychic people! like how bananababe and twinny always end up calling me when im on the way home alone, or on the bus, bored to tears. perfect timing and frequencies (: and like how my grannyfriend gave me that happy book of butterflies ive been looking at for a year. ps. tcc's breakfast rocks, do try!

sat draws nearer. and in my woozy state of mind, i dunno what im feeling. i actually am just looking fwd to pure uninterrupted rest and sleep. on the plane, in notts, in duesseldorf. wherever. and im actually paranoid abt losing my luggage. its all that mister whathisname's fault, the one that appeared in this sunday's globetrotter page. he jsut had to go tell whole singapore how heathrow airport lost his luggage and now i have this impulse to stuff everything in my bagpack whenever i pack.
the thought of practicing millions of hours on a steinway right at home, makes me feel excited. (: and soaking in all tt deutsch
then theres the thought of possibly going usa and meeting wenhaw in another continent. ok this is so out of point n irrelevant.
and theres the call of spring and summer, complete with sparkling picturebook worthy flowers! I LOVE FLOWERS.
and then, u think of mum and grandaunt and the teachers and the friends and indulgz and the random people.......

2008-03-10T23:42:00.002+08:00

when one lives far away, one hears only of the major artists in the galaxy and is often satisfied with merely knowing their names; but when one draws closer, the twinkle of stars of the second and third magnitude becomes visible until, finally, one sees the whole constellation - the world is wider and art richer than one had hitherto supposed.

a beautiful quote i discovered sitting in the baltic voices cd i bought, now that ive got the time to slowly read thru. written by the great writer Goethe in his Italian Journey while visiting an art gallery in Verona. and it does sum up, not only aptly but wonderfully, the magic of learning and discovering the world out there. to me at least. reading it, was inspiring.

and i so do adore the works and writings of the olden time writers. somehow, i do. authors like Goethe, Jean Paul Friedrich Richter and Schiller. ive never really had the time to spend reading more of their works in full, but what little chunks, paragraphs and snatches ive gleaned from my musical literature (as many great composers like Schumann, Liszt etc have been influenced and inspired too by these), has made me fall greatly in love. perhaps when im in germany alone, i ll get the time to do so. i would love that. especially Jean Paul's Flegeljahre! theirs are the doors to a world deeply rich, emotional, imaginative, at times irrelevant and always always bathed in the beauty of words that literally paint a world of thousand colours.

if i had all the time, i would wanna study these texts, write more, paint more, dabble in designing my own clothes and shoes, i would love to produce my own greeting cards, produce shows! but for now i ll indugle myself once in a while. and then, someday, maybe in another life time, yes, please let me do all these too, while focusing my life on the world of music, aiming everyday, to reach closer to the second and third magnitudes of this wide universe, hoping for the day my eyes are opened fully. GREEDY AINT I!

2008-03-07T22:18:00.002+08:00

it was the split second of a moment. i stepped out on to the zebra crossing and mum pulled me back. then came the lorry, and suddenly rushed out the cyclist too. and the next thing the cyclist was on the road, flung from his bike. they were both going too fast and they didnt see each other till it was all too late. and while the lorry rolled backwards in slow motion. it was like a horror flick. seeing it go over his legs. mum ran out screaming for him to stop. and then the blood came. from the eyes. it was stunning. i will neever forget it, as long as i live. how it felt to stand there, knowing we were mere seconds ourselves from being the ones pinned there. and the poor guy. i dunno how he is, i havent been able to find out. in a way im scared to find out. i want to know he is alive and not suffering. and the driver. the guilt he is gonna be in his entire life.
life is way too fragile. :( do cherish it, cherish the people in it, live every moment. anything could happen.

2008-03-02T20:44:00.002+08:00

wxy is over. i shant talk much abt it, but just know that it was one of the happiest days in my life. something akin to a dream come true, complete with that dream-like quality...after months of preparation it was gone and over in a flash of red and black. but thats how it always happens aint it! i finally plucked up the courage to listen to the recording and yes, there were some special moments inside. so im rather happy (: and i so do love the pictures.
and im so happy that so many people were there to share the happy day with us. to the sponsors. to alice and zizi. to nerd. to the pageturners the ah - lian duo (u gotta pronounce ah lian with different nuances for them, its derived from their names). to the composers. nix, for rushing down after bookouts to coach us on his piece, which seemed tough at first, but now i so love the cadenza. and also peng for the skyping. and the calls and concern all the way from usa! to the concern that came from aussieland too..plus tons of others. and my darling family. and oh yes all the teachers. lemme tell u, we must be blessed or blessed.

classic moment of the day was seeing the pageturners do their special pageturner warmup exercises! see, alan the head Pageturner was reprimanding lianwei for not attending his masterclass awhile back where he went through the intricacies of turning pages for major works. so with a sigh he said: now, follow me outside and we shall go through these works now! HAHAHA. they came back and saw us in a flurry of prep and all. decided to partake in it too! so they stood in the middle of the dressing room and did leg bends, arm turns and whatnonts, estimating the best distance and time to turn exactly. it was hilarious....should have got that on video!!!

sometimes i feel ashamed of my own behaviour, i know i get pretty insensitive and rude at times especially when i get stressed. or i get angry with myself but it doesnt come out that way, its communicated in a totally negative way. and im ashamed abt it. its not good. and im very grateful, that ive got friends who are willing to stay friends with me despite all these, who even bother telling me off for that, or tolerate it. and help me become a better person (altho im a bad student). and yes, i do believe ive been blessed to have found friends like this with whom i can make mistakes, get up on my feet and have frank conversations.

2008-02-27T00:33:00.002+08:00

you're not able to be by my side always. and i predict that such little time is gonna be diminished even more in the weeks to come. there are times when i do wish so hard that you could be here. over the years and months you've brought me a sense of security and calm with your presence. and when i think of you, it brings me momentary peace of mind too. somehow. and there are days i crave for that. there are times i get real cranky or scared.
but thats not gonna be very possible. but im gonna fly. but. but. and but.
for the first time, i suddenly realize how very much this means to me. the enormity of it has overwhelmed me the whole day. and suddenly, i feel very lost. i feel, i dunno what im feeling now.
with all the chaos that has happened in two days, i do wish you could make everything better for me, make me ur better decisions

2008-02-22T02:14:00.002+08:00

sunday the 24th approaches, and it is with a strange mixture of anticipation, excitement, fear, and sianness that i wait for this day. after the months of preparation, late nights struggling with admins and programming; after the seemingly hopeless rehearsals n clashes of opinions. its finally arrived. and im gonna miss the pure joy and fun that made up a huge part of it. like how mr.pei says, most of the time, he can only hear the shrieks of laughter emitting from the room. (: its been like watching a baby grow up in a way. from empty conceptualizing to now. its happening dudes!!!!. slap me please.

theres just that tiny shard of disappointment that certain important people would not be there to share this special day with. and its always hard, especially for me, to hide that. altho im supposed to. im not very good at that, hiding my feelings. some are easier to do so, at certain times.

a thought just struck me, a couple of weeks/days ago, i cant rmb exactly when. it was on one of the endless bus trips i have to take to reach nafa. thats when i either fall asleep (and knock my head stupid against the windowpanes, real hard) or think abt a thousnad and one random ideas.

heres one. sometimes people give to others much more than they actually realize. and its not until that we begin to ponder about it that we realize that too. for both the giver and recipients. whether its the gift of friendship, love, music, encouragement, courage, ideas, strength etc. and i think thats beautiful. and it makes me very grateful for all that ive received from the people in my life, and grateful for the fact that im able to give to them too, what little i have to give.
its all rather intangible. however, it makes life worth all the trouble. (:

2008-02-03T02:28:00.000+08:00

ive been reading the book My Life and Music by arthur schnabel and it inspires alot. just like how alot of books by great musicians do. and heres sth that somehow reminds so much of hoppie groewndald in The Power of One by bryce courtenay. heh.

"First hear, then play" - so quoted from schnabel. "and this was precisely what he did. Before the fingers moved and the sound came at the beginning of a composition, you were aware of a gathering of force; the pianist was listening; he then played what he heard. And so it went on all through the most elaborate composition......There was never the slightest hint of 'this is how i feel today', which can make other players give highly variable performances, sometimes, as we say, inspired, sometimes not; it was always: First hear, then play."

and on choice of pieces performed: " I am attracted only to music which I consider to be better than it can be performed. Therefore I feel (rightly or wrongly) that unless a piece of music presents a problem to me, a never-ending problem, it doesnt interest me too much....I am not sure that I do know it, inside and out. THerefore I can spend endless time on it"

woah ehh. and thats tons more. for now. these. makes me think.
what makes you attracted to a piece then?

there are days when im afraid that i wont wake up to a new morning. i am unable to explain why so, i just have such an existing morbid fear. and that motivates me to do more, live fully, and so my days (and nights) are crammed packed with stuff.
and then again there are days when i just spend alone, being an antisocial freak and blissfully indulging in such isolation. this balance is however constantly changing tilting wavering. you might question me for supposedly wasting so much time on useless activites. but then again, would life be so joyful without these then? certainly not.
perhaps im just greedy.

2008-01-28T00:34:00.000+08:00

ive got thru the two crazy days of the weekend finally (: saturday was spent (traumatizingly) with the gorgeous dancers from sdt and it was a totally fresh new challenging aspect. many thanks go to debs for giving me this chance. and well i certainly hope they din suffer a horrible class due to my atrocious playing! and then it was runing btw vch and arts house which are thankfully, neighbours. and so ive discovered my Inspiration - so termed by tmnt mr chong wailun - wine! haha. that accelerated my descend/ascend into my natural state of highness. and ta da. (: capppucino normally works too. ahh, how i love them. (:
and then it was yet another day today complaining and then doctor's student recital. hoho. and i do love herr oluf and richard strauss' songcycle. absolutely beautiful, especially wasserrose. (:

so its goodbye to the Singapore Complaints Choir project, at least for now. looking back, i do rmb being apprehensive abt it all. and now, im so damned happy and honoured to have been part of such a special project and event. to have met the people who came together to form the choir. to have worked with dedicated and inspiring artistes oliver and tellervo, ada and josh. to have worked with wailun (the subway meals, going psychotic, chord chionging, beating hte fear, and whatnots.) and of course, our very own rap comm/arts collective!! with the fantastic rappers shai and joshua. i do love the song! its indeed become an earworm. esp the mid section. goshhhhness. and im gonna miss rehearsals. these were hilarious, funky, and yet productive at the same time.

and yes, i just so do love projects productions recitals concerts and whatnots. being part of that magical 'building' process where u start from scratch and work ur way, headfirst and blindfolded into completion. and then the light shines. so brightly that u cant help but smile, right from that fist shaped organ we call the heart. and it gives u that energy boost to ur days.

met up with someone i got to know in dec. and its funny how the first time we met each other i was so incensed by him (for whatever reason, i have kinda forgotten) that i actually snapped at him and hey i ve never ever snapped at someone the first time we meet, i think. thats my memory of our first meeting. and its surprising to discover that he's actually very different from that irritating prat i rmbed. that hes really in fact, very good to talk to! so thanks for the chance to change my mind, before u fly off. bcos, given how fierce i was the first time its a wonder u actually bothered contacting me after. im still v touched abt hte tickets, and thanks for sharing so much with me.

2008-01-25T02:34:00.000+08:00

everyones been cranky this past week.
fiery tempers, rude remarks and curtness galore.
not to mention myself.
im still terrible at controlling my temper.
and i m talented at flicking on that 'horrid girl' switch,
just light the fuse and off i go.
sorry to all those ive been horrible to.
for being such an insensitive rude twit. :(

on a happy note
dinner today was good. im happy to have gotten to meet these people (:
we are the freaks. hur hur.
recital is coming along, slowly but surely....hopefully. and i hope we do reach the finishing line in one piece, happily.

2008-01-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

i want to have the power to go for days without sleeping and still have energy to do everything i wanna do. but thats slowly becoming impossible and as the best friend always reprimands, its bad for me. and as mum always nags, do u wanna die young? hur hur.

i love the silence and how time, movement and all things seem to suddenly suspend for eternity when u plunge into the water. especially when ure in the ocean or even the sea. its already like this just by being in the pool. theres a deafening silence that engulfs you. and instead of being scary, its exquisite. i love it. like walking, it brings to you a blissful sense of peace, purpose and clears your thoughts. one feels almost graceful, in that timeless bubble of nothingness.
its like diving into a whole new world and the thin line btw that and our noisy, chaotic life is just the edge of the water.

uve been crowding my thoughts.
and i hate that i do not have th courage to say what i need to.

clutching at straws that seeem to slip thru my fingers with much ease,
i still wonder if i lived in an alice in wonderland state for a couple of mths.
and i think perhaps we need two more lifetimes to be on par

on another note. i love my sisters. thanks for library books so thoughtfully borrowed for me, for mudpack session, korean noodles and random madness (:

2008-01-11T14:14:00.000+08:00

its taking every ounce of determination n stubborness in me to not explode
not complain or bear grudges
to not let the small stuff bother me and just carry on
but u know, its always the small stuff that accumulate to form huge boulders
and u cant shake it off at all.
and u know, i wonder why its nearly always the same few people.
and because its my blog i shall vent it out today
what have i done to u that makes u do all these?
or is it purely just you? and if it is then im sad for u
can u face living up to yourself if thats how u work n live?
irresponsible,allmessedup,making poor excuses for urself constantly?

the line 'royally pissed' came to my mind.
and i am.
till the point where i can feel the tears building up.
booyucks to u, i only cry when i meet people like u.
n this is when i miss even more chambersounds n wxy n the trout n chambertapestry.

2008-01-09T00:33:00.000+08:00

good to be alive. (:
fabulous it feels, having so much to do, so much to be part of,
and loving every second of it all.
exhilarating to the point of hyperventilation,
so many people to love.
so many people who make u feel loved.
tons of new friends to make, young old local international.
everywhere anytime any ways.
and theres an undiscovered treasure trove of good stuff out there
good music.good food. awesome dances. paintings. sculptures. films. movies. musicals.
so many winding paths one can take.
in a million and one different ways
so
smile a darlie-worthy smile.
laugh from ur toes right up to ur stomach, ur heart n ur face.
giggle with childish delight, burp with all abandon!
be random, be energetic, be afraid and be wild.
u see.
theres such a lot of reasons to be happy abt.
theres such alot of things to live for. (:
life is good, even when theres tons and truckloads of shit happening.
it sounds way too optimistic i know. but hey. why not?
this is my credo.
if u bother to, u can always find a little something to make ur day or make someone's day better. (:
believe me. it goes a long way

2008-01-08T01:09:00.000+08:00

so i met the most random new friend this week. who knows JOHN CHEN!! oh my goodiness goshness oh my word he knows john chen!!! :( im so sad. haha. yes, that fabulously impressive beautiful sounding magical mature and whateverelseadjectives u can tenk of-pianist. whose playing i fell in love with during 07s piano festival. esp after his deutilleux sonata.
this new friend is really alike with john chen as well. both are called john. he's john cheeah! both were born in msia and grew up in nz and studied in the same uni cooolness. and! theyve been mistaken for each other a few times during their orchestral concerts and such.
anyhows. that aside. it was fun to make a new friend yet again. the randomness has reached new peaks. meeting in a train cos of an interest in my score. (:

i decided to have yet a new list of my favourite foods (: haha. sorry. its been such a long week and day. i need to destress. (:
tops of list. its indulgz for now! hoho. let me tell the world for the number ten thousandth time that i love portobello burgers! and smoothies and thickshakes and lalala cheese fondues and earl grey panna cottas and crispy pastas and mushroombites and camembert cheese and prawns and bananachoc cakes. (:
next up is magma! with its wonderful ambience and lovely authentic affordable german fare. like the bratwursts and meatloaf and awesome awesome fantastic beer hur hur. the black abbot! i love.
and then theres chwee kueh. i can eat ten at a go.
heres also to introduce the delicious mindboggling and soul-comforting food of waraku hurhur. i love the pizzas pastas the hotate nonsense and cheese mentai. oh not to mention those from sun&moon.
yes, ive been on a cheese eating spree ever since i got back from europe. for some weird reason whatever htat may be!
i love flammkuchen!!! yes. enough said.
menottis! with its mouthwatering desserts at half price so that u can eat six at one go (: and the STUFFED RAVIOLI. omg.
mexican fajitas and baked chicken stew (: only when cooked by a certain so and so who is weird enough to ban me from releasing his name to the world to hide the fact that he can cook wonderfully.
naaaaan. prataaaaaa. currrrryyyyy. oodles of it at that. and maggie mee goreng!
and and. mum's exotic weird original healthy lovely foood. (:

ali is backkkk (: welcome back bestest friend of all time. so is hilda!!! (: (:
and this is to nix and phoe and peng too. i love u guys (: haha. random but who cares.
thankyou nix for always bringing me down to earth for all the impt stuff and yet going haywire with me at times too n makin me laugh (: peng for ur phonecall and the fact that we've still been able to talk tho ure not in sg. and ur listening ear. and phoe for entertaining all my weird ideas haha. and doing all those silly stuff like the advert pic copying with me (:

lastly. it was the perfect ending to 07 when i managed to get thru work mistake free (: it was a happy happy happy moment! and so was last friday. there was the sense of wonderful accomplishment. seems like sth so trivial and easypeasy but hey its not easy for me! im just somehow dumb at this. but it has suddenly all clicked into place for me. and i m seriously enjoying every moment at the restaurant. (: and i hope it lasts. and suddenly i know i ll miss it alot. and the people. the customers. and suddenly everything seems to be happening way too fast.

2008-01-01T03:15:00.000+08:00

and so we come to the end of yet another year. 2007. it seems like at the end of every year, u look back and u tell urself that hey, it was a pretty good year, the most memorable one so far. doesnt it always happen? and so as cliche as it sounds, i do wanna say that 2007 has been by far the most eventful, happening, colourful and memorable year ive had in a long while. there were tons of good and bad. and at the end of the day, i still do not have much regrets. its like what they taught us in house reps, no regrets. and as ms ching says, always try to find the good in the bad. never just sit and complain and dig for bones in eggs (or sth liddat. however the phrase goes haha). i tenk thats true, n it fits with what i believe in. optimism!

2007. theres so many thngs to say that im inspired to indulge in list making, my fav blogging activity (:

i. i turned 21! haha. trivial as it may be. but hey, every little girl (n boy) dreams of this day! and so my THIS DAY arrived this year. and it was truly memorable. to celebrate with the big one, for the very first time in my life. (:
ii. i graduated! this is bittersweet, being able to finally say to myself, hey i completed it! and yet at the same time, theres the inevitable sense of nostalgia and sadness. leaving the place ive called second home for three years, and knowing i'll miss everything experienced there. i spent an enriching, fulfilling three years there, and im glad they were all lived to the fullest brim. n n, seeing ones own name for the first time ever in the papers was kinda surreal.
iii. going to europe (: enuff said.
iv. 2007 brought me tons of new friends. and strengthened old friendships. was a test of many friendships. and i got to see for myself, whom are the friends that are for real. (: sometimes it got tiring. but it was worth it.
firstly, im truly blessed to have met people like the syc members, debbie bobdog boon woon teckguan and didi (: and people like wailun hillary and angela too.
then theres gaston and jeremias; matteo and simone (two at that!); guro ragnhild; kelvin, and eiji. people from europe who touched me with their generosity. and then, theres teow, whos been great to talk to. and of course, mrs choo n dr choo with their lovely students. mdm wang and hers. (: and all the many musicians, esp daniel ho and operastudios.
then theres been nix and phoe. i couldnt have imagined the past three years without the two of u. (:
same goes to jerry. ure much missed. (:
and yes, clare kitty kevin ali royce ping and mimi. the lovely voggies. without whom school would have been weird and empty. our RPG days, our special seats, outings, company lunches, playing for each other's compos, study sessions and so onn.
not to mention twinny, granny, ideabnk, best bananababe.
finally, theres the major figure, the big one. so many things have happened this year bcos of u and thats enough said. the amt of memories, good and bad.
so there u go, such an extensive list of people who made the year memorable. and this is not even complete.
v. its not complete without the teachers! the wonderful ms arabesque, dr kan, dr zecky, THE doctor at telok blangah of gorgeous parties and operas fame, mr ng, ms patsy toh, frau kodolin, mr william, THE queen phoenix, bert, ms ching, and well. so it goes. (: they truly epitomize to me, what queen says. we should always give every one a chance. a big chance. and yes, if not for hte many chances theyve given me, the trust they have placed in me. i would never be what i have become today.
vi. i got to work at indulgz! hoho. accidents, blunders and all aside. i love it. (: much love to christin, chef, zhekai, haoyi, and andrea. and josef jean rashid and olivia. thank you for not giving up on me and teaching me so much. esp boss and chef.
vii. the many opportunities to work with wonderful teachers conductors n musicians. it was like an intensive internship for me. and i enjoyed every moment of it.
viii. learning german. never in my imagination did i think that it would be so fruitful and enjoyable and sth to look fwd to. (:

theres alot more but i cant tenk now.
may 08 be a great one for everyone. and for now, i just wanna say that all of you are much loved. (: thank you for making me a better person and teaching me so much abt life, everysingle day.
well. to those that matter anw (: theres tons of you out there. HUGS.

2007-12-28T01:46:00.001+08:00

i finally got Times like These by Gary Burton and Makato Ozone from felix! wohooo. so yunqi is one happy girl now. it totally made my day. just this song. (: i had many sleepless nights just tenking abt it and craving for it la. now i just need more from his itunes hur hur . and debbies too.

so i played tour guide to eiji today. and it was worth it. haha. its always very nice to make a new friend i tenk, and thats been happening alot this year. most of these friendships sadly have come with a time limit hanging overhead. we mostly just get the chance to spend a day or two and then, one party's got to move on already. but oh well. time is always running out aint it. we just gotta cherish it and make every split millisecond worth its very while. (:

spending the day at sentosa made me feel alive (: i havent been there since gazillion mths ago. considering i mostly only went there with ideabank. hur . so we cablecar-red over and man, do i just love that feeling of being on top of the world and gliding through air (: that happened pretty much today. at hte merlion (which i must say, is great fun hoho albeit the much touristy stuff), the dragon trails we took (like 3 i tenk), the skyrides and luges which ive finally gotten a chance to experience! woohoo. chilling out at cafe del mar and people watching (there were quite a few funny interesting species around) and just chatting alot. me with my super lousy ears. he with his english which is not bad (: and so yes. i had fun. and im happy i got to know a new jap friend (:

looking at ur picures online brings tons of i dunno...mixed feelings? nostalgia, weird sadness, happiness for u and doubt. doubts abt if i made the right choice, years ago. its been already years dude. and yet it seems like only a few mths ago. look at how fast time has flown by us. and i still am having doubts, if i did the right thing. but you do look much happier now. you look great and glowing (: and matured. uve grown. and. i wasnt there at all to witness that.
so did i make a dreadful mistake then? but the knowledge that i couldnt give you all of my heart holds me back.
and so there u go. but every now and then, i do think of u. i do think of what we could have been.
oh im such a goon.

2007-12-26T08:13:00.000+08:00

merry blessed christmas to all!! (: family gathering at the grandaunts' was wonderful. as always. (: this is the reason why i look forward to christmas especially. every year, all five families gather at aunty michelle's or grandaunts' and we have a gorgeous potluck party. i love how everyone starts streaming in (noisily, or in a state of blurness. its either one of these) and the whole house starts filling up and its all warm, cosy and happy. under the xmas tree or in one corner, u have the lil kids huddled up, being all secretive with some mummy's handphone or psp. and we have tons and tons of kids! seventeen in all. another on the way coming. and sometimes plus two more if sharon n samuel are there. the big kids go around and we have weird funny conversations and disturb each other to hte max. this time round it was bobbies chinese. hehe. and the adults join in the general scheme of FUN. (: so there....the reason why i love xmas, chinese new year and so on.

2007-12-23T02:23:00.000+08:00

Sing! by saint andrews sec choir today. tog with crescent girls. (:
it was shiokness to be part of the concert. i loved the pieces, the diversity of the music in come on children lets sing, in didnt my lord deliver daniel, in mid winter and of course, mighty wonder! sitting on stage preparing to play, feels like gearing up for takeoff in a plane, feels like a boxer all ready to strike. just like how peekay might have felt in the power of one. the feeling of being a part of such awesome music is simply magical. and just that alone can make me go high high high. (: u see, one doesnt need drugs to get high. the all encompassing power of music, it lifts me up.
and makes me one happy girl. (:

ive enjoyed playing for the saints. such funny dear boys. with so much enthusiasm for singing (: with their weird antics, sharp observations and hilarious lines: ms pianist what do you want to see in your thankyou card? - that was from jeremy this aftnoon. its been a joy to make music with these boys, makes my day. all the time.

and to play for the chrysanthemums, my alma mater was cool. today was kinda my first time hearing them properly in a long while and it was impressive. the girls so enjoyed singing, they made me smile. and it was great music. woohoo!!!

and so here ends a happy day. yummylicious food at indulgz with the family, the reception and the woohoolicioius german food at magma! the concert!! and seeing tons of people who made my day. hur hur.

2007-12-22T02:11:00.000+08:00

sometimes, music alone can express much more than words could ever. ms ching always tells us, its harder to make someone cry or to touch them with your music, than it is to make them smile or laugh. and how true it is. there are times when i am touched to tears while watching concerts, like for example the chopin no.1 played by sergio tiempo. or moved beyond words, during the takacs quartet in london. or the bayerisches ballet. and yes, during syc's last concert in spain. somehow these are the ones that remain with u longer. they kinda dig into that exposed spot and wham bang. there u go. maybe its because we tend to talk abt the sad stuff less. they're just kept quietly inside, and when ure alone u nurse these wounds, take them out and sink into depression for a bit. such music, beautifully played, speaks out to the inner demons we have inside. and u feel somehow, that ure not alone. its a universal language, with the ability to reach out to all. no words required. and thats beautiful.

things i would love to accomplish in this lifetime.
1. start the ideabn*k company pte ltd with my ideabn*k darling who btw is mia yet again! and fulfil that dream of being planners. for all events! n also housemates.
2. study design, at least at a summer school. (: that would be awesome. and i would love to have a part time job of designing, painting, drawing cards, booksleeves, shoes, clothes and what nots.
3. collaborate with my two sisters. that would be ultimate coolness.
4. accomplish the europe trip with old man teow! all that planning was exciting. (:
5. keep chamber colours, chamber tapestry, and WXY all running full steam, long term, international, and ever-growing (:
6. accomplish the granny world tour and retirement grand scheme at long last. starting with the asia backpacking, and 1/3 spain 1/3 germany 1/3 aussie retirement. with our teeth dropped out.
7. have kids to call my own.
8. marry the love of my life. (my spanish chef). hur hur.
9. learn scuba diving. go back to redang and visit the people there.
10. speak perfect german. (n french and spanish and japanese????)
11. fulfil the perfect dream of being a chamber musician and accompanist. thats a dream job man. n its my internship now hur hur.
12. and hereu go, this is for now, the most important. to *** **** * ********** ** ******* ** ******* in summer 08 and then, everything. everything can go vrooom. everything can begin to happen. everything, depends on this.

so many things! i do hope i finish all tho. (: i would be really happy.

2007-12-19T00:40:00.000+08:00

funny isnt it, how its just so easy to talk to certain people. no need to borrow a leaf out from alene's book and ponder abt what on earth to talk abt. funny how time can literally fly so crazily fast when ure with some people, and yet with others, it just crawls along at snails' speed.
such people are hard to come by. with them its so easy to be myself. be hyped up and theres that sense of understanding and connection in ur thoughts and ideas.

meeting teow today was good. (: and time did indeed disappear. 3 hours plus seemed too short. he is one great person to talk to. randomness, hilarious, and brimming with ideas i like. chamber tapestry! and europe trip! woots. was great to see him aft he flew off, and its interesting how we've always known each other existed and had so many common friends; but we never ever talked till this year. and then i discovered how easy it is to be around him. see, again another friend made a tad too late. but then again, better late than never yes?

and then there was the one meeting that i kinda dreaded. its still back aint it? that barrier, so invisible that it looms overhead all the time. what u conceptualized, was it just a figment of ur imagination? or was it painting a story we both know so well?

and theres tons of movies i wanna catch! hoho . goodluck chuck was good. we were giggling mad over the penguins. jerry seems like ure one popular guy with movies ehhhh. uve gt like three under ur belt already! it was a good day with nix and phoenix too. (: timed shopping, faith -stalking, yummy starbucks, photowhoring, and just talking. (: its true, we meet so often yet theres so much to say all the time. not to mention our ability to carry out whole 4 part conversations silently. hur hur. thanks dudes.

somewhere along the way, we lost our heads.
aint that true?
im now trying to find back my head with the brains unextracted and shoot for my lil piece of star filled heaven.
goodbye folks, i feel pretty random.

2007-12-13T01:24:00.000+08:00

do you ever tenk abt growing old? ive never given much thought to it till today. and i guess, seeing the many elderly people around me, i was struck with a certain sense of terror. i dont wanna become one of those helpless little ladies that rely entirely on hired help to get around. neither do i wanna spend my retirement going in and out of hospitals, have tubes stuck into me and become a nuisance to my family and friends.
i would love to be an active granny still. and that of course includes the many activities fia and i have thought of doing. my granny friend (: i was talking abt this with mum and we both agreed, keeping yourself mentally, physically and psychologically fit and active is important. the dreams of early retirement and such might sound like heaven sent, but in truth and reality, are they really so? its what you do with these years i suppose. sometimes, the idea of pampered luxury is nicer than it actually happening.
i dread to think of my darling grandmas, grandaunts and etc becoming so. already it is happening. to people i hold so dear to my heart, people who took care of me and inspired me in my childhood. people who used to be so strong minded. they're slowly slowly slipping away. and it pains me to see them in such a helpless state. so u see, what you wish for might not be such a good idea after all.
had a good chat with zhirui online yest. what he says is true. everyone has different priorities in life. and its part and parcel of every relationship, be it friendship, family or such. when it happens that you do not have the same priorities anymore, its rather sad too. again its so subtle and nobody can actually place a finger on it, but its there. u know it. i know it.
sometimes i tenk im in too great a rush. sigh. i wanna do everything all at once. like snap snap go. haha. in a way im so greedy. greedy for life. to wanna live everyday to its fullest. but tahts not very good. i crave for days that i can spend at home, disturbing the mama, and stick the butt in the piano stool the whole day. such days provide a calming sense of peace, and self reflection which i ve grown to love. and to just work at the music. such a privilege.
and then again, i wanna do so much. i wanna practice, attend concerts, write music, listen to msuic, meet up with friends, family, grandaunts, shop, study german, learn dance, learn so many thousand things, go hiking, go swimming, go backpacking, eat, cook, design my cards, draw, paint, make stuff. blah blah. sigh.

2007-12-12T00:41:00.000+08:00

meeting with sponsors. whirlwind of planning. meetings. rehearsals. rushing around the tiny island. train rides bus rides, endless ones. tons of pieces. eating lots of cheese. meeting friends. impulse buys. life, upon returning to sg.
getting initiated to the disgusting world of reality is a huge letdown. to learn that everything you saw on the surface n imagined, isnt so beautiful. that nothing is quite so innocent; they all come with ulterior motives. sth we always joke abt, but its a part and parcel of everyday life. in the business world, the media, even the world i live in. so how does one ever know which is right anymore? who can one really trust? and is everything just a rigged event, are we all puppets, marionettes dancing to the big boss' tune? i dont wanna be one. and neither do i want to see suc things happening. but eventually at one point or another, we all end up being so. its a vicious cycle of life perhaps?
its sth i don know much abt, not that i would wanna know much too. it makes me SAD.
but i do admit ive learnt a lil abt it. enough to put me off.
everything, everything is money centered isnt it?
we cant even play music in peace.
im abit jaded in truth, but im okay. its a learning experience after all.

2007-12-10T02:03:00.000+08:00

new skin! i guess this one is much easier to read. but somehow, not so me yes? haha. but its rather nice too. I LIKEEEEE (: thanks yunyi. (: few more adjustments to do. in the meantime. i shall get more sleep. tschus!

2007-12-06T01:37:00.000+08:00

so its been a full rainy day. i hate the rain. it makes the whole world go all gloomy. grey skies awash, and everything just seems to get more chaotic and hurried. people on the streets scurry to get out of the cold and wet; the atmosphere hangs heavy with an ominous, brooding sense of foreboding. this seeps steadily into ur belongings, ur clothes and shoes (yes especially the shoes! they turn SOGGY! how very gross), ur very being. and bogs down ur mood like a heavy sack of cement. and u just wanna creep into your bed where all is warm. or just sit by a windowseat and read. thats prolly the best way to spend such a day!!

unlike the sun. mr sun, ure my favourite. (: dont u just love it when the landscape (or oh well we only have buildings n roads in sg) gets all nicely warmed up by the sunlight flooding down? streaming down on to earth, lighting up all corners with that special warmth that goes right to your heart and the tinytoes of ur feet that wriggle with anticipation of a perfect day to come. one where u can frolick all day in the waters, on the beach, dance along the paths, and eat al fresco! (: i love it! the entire world bathed in yellows goldens pinks and whites.

i have an odd habit of listening repeatedly to songs i fall in love with recently. but thats not so good cos the risk of getting sick of them is rather high. but so far. so good. (: ravel piano concerto in G second movt is tops for now. its stunningly still, heartachingly beautiful and yearning. always, it moves me, close to tears. ravel is indeed a genius in my opinion. the first n third movts are wicked, the raw energy, coupled with that elegance of jazzinspired music. i love the rhythms, the accents, the orchestral colours, the dialogue, the pulsating tension and of course his unique chords. woohoo. same goes to his piano solos, the piano trio, the string quartet. (:

sometimes i get really sad thinking abt how everyone's gotta strike out on their own at some point in time and leave those close to them at home. more like, how we'll have to part someday and not see each other for a long time. at one point or another. and how it is sad that there is never enough time. for everyone. to spend time with them all. to get to know everyone u really wanna know better. that u meet friends so late in life.
that was totally random. but i just got v sad tenking of it. so i had to write it out. but im all right. i just had to get it out of my system.

twinnydate was wonderful. (: shes one sneaky girl. and we still have perfect timings hur hur (:

2007-12-03T21:28:00.000+08:00

ive been pretty hyped up the past few days. whee. esplanade is the reason so. and wxy. plus a few other alphabets. and when yunqi gets hyped up, the world starts spinning faster and she hyperventiltes abit more than the usual rate and things get happening. (:
and im so awesomely amazingly grateful, awed and whatever other adjectives u could ever find to describe for me what im feeling inside. im just thankful. (: and so humbled and touched. at how there are people in this world who just willingly volunteer their help and support and encouragement to others. these are people with huge hearts. and they re-inforce in me what life is really abt. giving so much of themselves without asking for anything in return from you. thankyou thank you and thankyou. and so, i will give sth back to society. it might not be a lot. but its the best i can. the rest, i will make up for with my music and actions. and i hope i can do the same too, i hope i can bring that bit of cheer n smile to those that i give to.

matteo inspires me constantly and amazes me with his awesome videos and music. i'll post some up when i find the links. but for now, i just wanna write here that he's one super cool multitalented person man. i like!!!!

and i get damn pissed when so and so disses my career path. "ah well, u have such a relaxed life. u just do what u like everyday. sit at the piano and play songs. how can that be called working? u don have a proper job! " and so the list continues. well excuse moi....mister. too bad for you that You dont have a job u enjoy. and if its jealousy that is spurrring u on to make such comments, then i can only say that i was so wrong abt you from the start. u play an instrument at that too hello. aint this what a job should be? it should be what u enjoy doing, for every moment of it, even the bad and the challenging. im proud to say that ive such a job. (: comments like this, in such a condescending tone, make my blood boil thoroughly. and i feel like slapping so n so. but i will control myself. too bad for u, you ve never experienced the feeling of waking up everyday to unpredictablities, to a full day of ur most favourite activity, and to exciting challenges and peace. that doesnt even half describe the joy.

im loving my new cool toy!!! and i hope casper's friends are enjoying their canon and olys. hoho. expensive toys some people have. i like!

2007-11-27T02:43:00.000+08:00

HELLO WORLD, miss lazy here is back from yet another hiatus and i think angel huang meiyun is gonna kill me soon for not updating hahaha. so does mr. alan feel the same way. woots. but im back. and i was reading my past entries and i tenk i have lousy text. so small how to read! haha. shoots im so sorry. bt thanks for bothering to still come by to read abt my puny lil life.

so its been the most amazing three weeks in my life thus far. europe europe...i do love you. such a beautiful, magical place. and its scary how much can every happen within the span of three weeks. ive gotten to know so many many more new friends, visited places i only ever previously dared dream of. watched the most glorious concerts, eaten the most yummy food. everything felt totally surreal. experienced a multitude of emotions that at times threatened to overwhelm, learnt to express such feelings freely, sth im not so good at. and to people i just got to know at that. funny how one feels so much more when it seems that there is a time limit hanging overhead.

starting with spain. and the syc. (: the choir ive always been in awe of, always loved listening to, enjoyed the magic of their music. getting the msg from queenphoenix that historical day haha...was like a dream. finally getting to know the people in that choir was wonderful. and it was a privilege and joy to play for them. (: looking back i still am very touched somehow by it all. by how they welcomed me, a total stranger into their midst and yes i enjoyed every single moment of it all. looking thru pictures brings back memories, the funny and sad ones, the tears and hysterical laughter and quirky episodes. and i loved the singing. bunga sayang and teresica and e mana with the super cool dance moves n of course dear li bai. standing in the backstage alone the last concert and watching them sing brought tears to my eyes. as silly as it sounds. it was just very overwhelming. to make such special friends. and i remember the last nights of talks and sharing. the impromptu dancing on stage. the coool piano. nerea and maite the wonderful spanish girls who made a world of difference to our stay. the spanish people with their open hearts and arms. (: and learning basque! not to mention doing all sorts of nonsensical things.

london was a totally different world. a city nonetheless, i did not fall in love with it straightaway like i did with spain. or like how hilda fell in love with it. it took me a while to warm up to. discovering the quaint littl shops tucked in corners, discovering the oh so gorgeous parks.....gosh. i truly love the parks. they're like wham bang amazzzzzzing. prettytyyyy. and the museums that i can just live in. the galleries. and the concerts. the takacs quartet rocked the house with their awesome musicianship and spontaenity and really brought to life the music. i loved it madly. plus the michael clark dance company with their unique cheoreography of stravinsky's music. and one of the best parts was getting to meet new friends like simone, luis' italian housemate who made pizza from scratch including the base!! and his friend, matteo!!! multitalented drummer, photographer, and architecturist. and somehow he really reminded me of damon courtenay hehe. the norwegian girls, guro, ragnhild and marit. (: and of course, the great luis who cooked breakfast for me every single morning plus the smiley face bfast!!! i was really really touched man. it was really pampering man. haha. THANKYOU! and of course of course meeting cumarran there!!! wooooots. dude. it rocked. im so happy we met up (:

germany was just ...beautiful. everywhere. an ancient beauty that touched me beyond words and ridiculously made me tear. the buildings. the mountains. the little towns. the landscape. i really really loved it. the bavarian state opera and ballet was the best concert i watched in my entire trip. and at 4.50 euro at that. nothing can describe how i felt better than the fact that my silly grin never left my face once during the two hour performance. it was inspiring!!!! meeting gaston and jeremias, my argentinian roomates in munchen was really great. (: they're the two people with whom i experienced my first snow ever with. so amused they were with me too. and josef my innsbruck friend on the ICE train was hilarious. i thought i was disturbing him. but we had a great conversation in the end! plus the random camille whom i still donno whether i really understood him properly with my lousy deutsch. darrrnn. meeting sylvia and anastacia in freiburg after so many emails (: plus their fantastic teacher. hoho. i loved the lesson. (: (: (: ending the trip by visitng hilda in oestrich winkel made it perfect. it was so much fun in that little town and her pink cottage with dangerous tiny stairs. haha....getting to meet kelvin the great chef was cool too! thanks guys for making my stay great.

"I walk, without any other purpose except to walk. It brings inner peace. ..... Discovering the elementary, almost unlimited energy we have within us; the silence of walking alone. There's also time for observation and reflection." Sylvain Tesson. i read this line coming back from europe. and it embodied what i felt in london adn especially germany. spending so much time alone wandering abt and getting lost. taking in everything i heard, saw, smelt, felt. soaking in the essence of the country. the people .the language. the culture. I think i managed to do that.
this was sth i had been worried abt, being alone. but it din feel that bad at all. it was kinda just natural. and felt good. i felt alone, but never lonely. tho at times the stuff going on in my brain felt like i was gonna explode. but it was a period in which i think i came to terms with being comfortable with doing alot of things alone. finding my way around, eating, seeing things and so on. and it was a very different experience for me. u know how i like to talk alot and blah. so yeap. i enjoyed that, just walking. and its true. it brought inner peace and allowed me to think alot and reflect. especially in the schlossberg. just climbing. in that wilderness. it made me feel very calm, very peaceful, as if i had found a sanctuary sort of place. and i loved it.

does it all sound weird? i don really care if it does. its kinda hard to put into words how it felt. so pardon the bad explanation. (: i actually feel kinda american now haha cos ive been typing so much of the great, wonderful, and amazing. but ITS ALL TRUEEEE.

so its back to singapore now. the trip made me realize once again how lucky i am to have my mum. coming back i know i shocked her with my line of wanting to stay in europe. and yet she never said no. just said shes gonna have to mentally prepare for the day it comes. which touched me alot. but don worry mum i wont leave so soon. and huili and leen for their worries of my healthy organs being robbed and sending me updates regarding the traffic strikes and everything. im really really touched. (:

more next time. and pictures up soon hopefully. and after i finally keep true the promises i made to myself.
much love, everyone.

2007-10-24T02:03:00.000+08:00

hello world. heres me, back from the hiatus.
and now i feel like having verbal diarrhea. and just writing it all out.
so its gonna sound completely jumbled out but i dont really give a damn.

a few days ago the ideabank darling excitedly told me over msn, "you know what??? i had this super weird dream yesterday!!! i dreamt that ******* proposed to you!!! and that i din even know till someone asked me, and i was so embarrassed cos you din tell me so i just pretended i already knew abt it." haha. that got me all amused and excited too. but not to worry, girl, if sth like this ever happened i would tell u.

i'll admit im a hopeless romantic at heart. im the kind who daydreams happily abt her dream wedding. hello, i even created a list of people i want to be my bridesmaids and whatevertheguysarecalled. haha. i would love having a beach wedding, just around sunset where the whole sky is ablaze with gorgeous reds, orange and golden hues. and theres gotta be live music! thats utterly important. a fantastic jazz orchestra, plus a singer with powerhouse unique vocals to sing my favourite songs and and...fatt from acidbar! haha. and plus a way cool percussion group. and i want everyone there dancing away. from the young to the young at heart. the best part is having everyone u love all there, thats awesome. and the best side part? the dress of course! pssst. its gold. and i saw it at the shop below my godmum's shop in outram. hur hur. see how crazy i can get....ive even decided on all these nonsense.

sadly, its the finding of the person to share this wonderful day, and the hundredthousandmillion days after, thats the most difficult task. and until i find him, i'll remain happily single. (: he doenst need to be perfect cos nobody is. but he does need to be someone whom i can be frank with, have fights and make up with, make important decisions tog and support each other. someone with passion for his job, his career, or his interests. someone who can inspire me to greater things. make me laugh silly too. with whom, i can grow to be a better person. so there u go, just a little of my thoughts on love. its sth worth blogging abt i tenk. cos love is a beautiful thing. any form of it. and to be able to share the moments in each others lives, to be such a big part of each others lives, thats one of the greatest gifts you could give to each other.

i was sad+pissed+frustrated+at a total loss of what to do the past few weeks. the icing on the cake was when u could possibly not even glance my way more than the grand total of say, 4 times the whole entire time that night. it hurts when ur friends have more to say to me than you do. as ideabank says, the saddest part is losing a friend that you could open up to so much. i dont want another three-year saga. thats tiring and draining. and no matter how wrong everything might have been. it shouldnt be like this. having to be reduced to this. the years of friendship, where did it fly to? its not even like we just met. gosh. and the thing i miss most? how incredibly exciting it was to experience u making music. evertyhing just flowed and u can get so hyped up and animated. and how we could sit tog without talking once, and just play together for the longest time. it was magic. and it was psychic-coolness. i miss how ur thoughts and ideas, they inspired me so much. bet you never knew.

on another note, its really mindboggling, incredibly stimulating to learn from ms.arabesque! and im so grateful to have met mr ng and his generosity. and plus mr hartung 'anything but normal, please!' and mr boris. dearest dr manhart. dr kan and dr goh. people like this. they really embody the meaning of living for music's sake. everything they do, serves the sole purpose of music. and that is truly humbling and inspiring to experience. ive learnt so much from these teachers.

2007-10-04T01:20:00.000+08:00

change can happen swiftly. catching u unaware.
it creeps up upon you. slowly. stealthily. a predator on padded paws.
and when u open up ur eyes and take a look around, the comforting world as u knew it to be,
its gone.
seemingly the same. but its not anymore.
u cant quite place a finger on it. when someone asks you to say it out its like theres nth much.
nth substantial. hard to put into words, cos it just seems awfully trivial.
but such triviality, it gnaws away at you. from the inside of you. like a horrid itchy throat u cant get rid of. and there are mornings when i open my eyes to this world and wish that simple wish we all make. at one point or another. for all that was beautiful to return.
there are many things i miss. most of all i miss the you that i glimpsed in the special mths of march to august. that person doesnt seem to exist anymore, im not even sure that person existed. was that just a mere figment of my imagination?

2007-09-14T02:25:00.000+08:00

walking down the bustling streets alone.
being a part of all that rush and tumble, and yet apart from it all.
being in the very heart of it, and yet watching from a distance.
having not to concentrate very much
just gathering wool in the clouds. smiling, frowning, spacing out
as i like.
wandering as my senses or, at times, the lack of sense take me.
and striking random conversations
theres a treasure trove of everything to be uncovered.
its times like this, that my senses awaken.
they tingle, swoon, and threaten to spill over
chatsmileslaughterthatsmellofspicesoraworkofbeauty.
and couple these with that sprawling, all-encompassing embrace of sunshine
ive never felt more alive.
so good to be alive.
its wonderful.

sometimes we lose our heads. and with it goes the grey matter that makes most of us function.
but hey that happens to everyone now and then.
thats only healthy.
let your hair down, if yours come labelled Long.
do something so wrong that after the nightmare ends you have a whopping tale to tell
so that you can laugh ur head off after
well, i wish we would.
and that i would have a chance to quarrel with you so hugely that you would blow your top
and someone gets slapped by the way.

theres loads more to say but i guess i might not get sleep if i say all now. so heres episode one.
europe is good in many ways.
i'll get to do many things that i want to. i hate the feeling of helplessness. phonecalls made in the name of thickskinness hasnt helped much other than to reinforce that general feeling that i cant help at all when i thought i could.

well. lets end with a hugely huge PS. i rmbed i was tenking of all my favourite things to do
and these include
while alone, semiconscious states of exploration of lil singapore which has strangely much to uncover and discover
the discovery or ooohingaahinggoinggagaga over succulent juicy senses-spiking gourmet, complete with fantastic service. and so this extends to ladies' favourite activity, shopping. yes. complete with crazy lovable salespppl.
all things quirky extraordinary brightly pastelly colourful glittery butterfly-y swirly exotic weird unique n beeeyoutiful, all must have some ounce of purpose at that.
the bed. on which i carry out various impt activities like sleep (or try hard to get enough), mugging storybooks guiltily, use the phone, and write letters cards and homework.
going on the all time high with everyone in my favourite list. u know im talking abt you, yes all you ego-huge people and yes you should know if not youre not in it.
spending time with my boyfriend, seiler. we spend around 10 hours at least each day.
disturbing the mother, toghether with the sisters. this is hugely entertaining. boliao totally. and prerequisite of staying at home. its the perfect boredom pasttime.
and as much as i dont want to include, im gonna do the unthinkable and include. you. the you whos been mentioned abt as much as i type the letter A. the one who committed daylight robbery. the you who i can hate so much but i cant get rid of.
and i love rocky masters cappucino. ta da.

2007-09-06T02:47:00.000+08:00

and so once again i tenk u must be terribly psychic or sth. or we are both terribly psychic. everytime i tenk of you terribly hard, you just materialize and thats terribly awful. its happened so many times ive lost track. and its a psychicness thats crossed the geographical barriers. so how on earth am i supposed to isolate myself from you.

im quite sad that on a day when i cry my eyes swollen and the first thing i wanna do is to call or see you, i hold back cos something in me is apprehensive of what u'll say even. cos i tenk i couldnt stand it if you din care.

i tenk ive made friends finally with someone which is pretty cool. considering that we've seen each other for a few mths. ure not so bad after all. thanks for sharing so much with me, abt ur dreams and all. and i tenk you're officially on my list of funniest people ard. and that list includes nix alan jerry derek kaimin and zhirui. hhoho.

2007-08-31T01:32:00.000+08:00

today drained this little me. financially, mentally, emotionally, physically. all aspects u could say. using money to buy time, how can that be even be possible. but yes, i attempted today. three rehearsals, one exam accomp, two students, three cab rides and a whole-day-meal at 10pm.

can money buy happiness too?

how much can one human being contain before it explodes? or implodes?
im close to my limit. and im merely hanging in there.
its only the passion for what im doing that keeps everything going. and time and again i need to come back to that basic love. cos what i say, i do mean it. every word. despite every obstacle and problems, this is worth its all. and i'll always say it, without the slightest hesitation.

my two lil 'eastern' boys made my day today. as they have been doing so for the past goodness knows how many thursdays evenings. so my lengthy pilgrimage there is all worth it. it is richly satisfying and shiokness to see them improve, see the haze clearing in their tiny brains and see them enjoying lessons. and yes thankyou boys for teaching me so much too, including damned patience. yuchen especially, u gave me the best reward ever. i'll never forget last week, it is true indeed. teachers should never give up on any student. you're one such example.

alright. im off to sleep. my brains and body are a goner.

2007-08-22T00:25:00.000+08:00

so many things to do. and so little time. theres not enough time even to worry abt this and that. its just chiong all the way. im just waiting for the second week of september to arrive. but sigh, that seems so long away. come september, i just wanna sleep and practice 12 freaking hours a day. each. haha.

its when u reach such a stage of hectic-ness that little tiny puny things people do, go a long long way to make ur day. like the innocent laughter of kids like laura. somehow its so uplifting, to know that u made a lil girl laugh so much even tho u were making her do mundane kb exercises. and lil seemingly insignificant exchanges with school people. its always a wonderful feeling to go back there and see them. even tho im not studying anymore, it still feels like a second home. u can never feel lonely there. but i do miss the presence of my old classmates alot. esp the voggies. looks like veggies. haha. i miss in especially the RPG days. they were special days, days to look fwd to, complete with company lunches.

and i do miss the days where you bothered to send me msgs that made me smile silly. the days where you missed me enough to contact me despite of your busy work. nowadays youre so free and yet ure almost non existent. ironic aint it. and i miss the days when we talked like saliva was free (it still is.) and we couldnt bear to hang up. and most of all, i miss the days where we would go out and just do silly things. somewhere along the way, all these changed. maybe its just me. and it bothers me that i don feel like i fit in. and yes maybe maybe its just me.

2007-08-21T02:32:00.000+08:00

why does it seem like the more we see each other the more goes unsaid? and its all piling up. something's gotta give, soon. i wanna take a break from everything, and it includes you too. i never thought that there would come a day where i would cry cos of you, but you did that to me too. i cried so hard in your bathroom. and when i came out you din even realized that i wasnt okay. the fall in the bathroom din so much hurt as how it hurt to have gone thru all that trouble to get to ur place that day and end up feeling like crap. and its downslide since.

on the other hand, my ideabnk is finally back!! n so is wpsm! hoho. supper at al-ameen was great. ive missed the company so much. and its almost as if they din leave at all. and it goes to show, this is a wonderful friendship aint it. (: so more please!

acid bar on friday was great too. and i gotta thank jillroseyposey for bringing me there. i absolutely love the high and the atmosphere there. the singers rock man. live music that rejuvenates. (: very happening. if i had the time energy and money i would go there every fri!

im waiting for the end of september to come. thats when i can get my much needed beauty sleep and concentrate on practicing. and watch my dans fest performances i so cant wait....right now, i'll just hang in there by pure will and nth else.

ps. to all those who somehow love adding on to my long running name. the name as of now stands as this: Twinky-Golliwog-BoyScout-SmallOne-RagDoll-Piggy.nungsunggoong-Mmmverynice-PortobelloGirl-Fuzzyhead-WongYunQi.
in case you're really wondering, only the last three words stand correct and appear in my IC. contributors to the rest include thebigone, pignix, shihua, christin, alan, and jerry. how very cool! now go ahead and add on, contributions are subjected to my approval and their ability to withstand time.

2007-08-09T02:08:00.001+08:00

so much has happened. so much i have experienced and felt. so much to think about.
that im left gasping for breath, trying to overcome that tightness in the chest that comes with stress.

of late, ive been tenking abt what i do everyday. and then this quote from bryce courtenay's Tandia stuck with me for a long while. to digress quite abit, this is the sequel to his novel The Power of One, centered around the art of boxing, the magic of Africa and the struggle between good and evil. and i tenk ultimately i hold his books so dear to me is how he portrays ordinary people fighting for a dream, how dreams can really take flight with determination, and the essence of humanity thats omnipresent throughout. his books combine storytelling with an ability to make me reflect really deeply on issues that are hidden within the stories. the same goes for Aprils Fool Day, a book about his son who suffered from AIDS, a book with much abt love. so yes, i love the way he writes, the amazing details, and how he can make me cry and laugh and reflect simply with words. one of these lines would be this.
'Both sat in their corners knowing that they'd spent it all, that there were no more tricks. From now it was heart; there was nothing else to give'. this is for the last round in a match btw two fantastic boxers, one white and one black who respected each other greatly and were closer than brothers.

its just the heart. and nothing else besides that, would matter much.
and isnt that the most important thing in the world?
thats how we all get thru with our lives. at least, i tenk thats how it should be. find something that you can sustain with just the heart alone, and then you know you have found everything u will ever need. you might face troubles, obstacles, lotsa crap. but the heart will make ends meet. sometimes it'll seem like theres no light at the end of the tunnel. but there is. on days like this, look deep inside yourself and ask yourself the reason for doing this in the first place.
and that is my belief. my credo. my conviction.
ive found mine, in the magic of musicmaking. the sparks that fly when u meet a fellow musician u can create magic with. the rewards of teaching. the simple, calming joy of music.
all these are intangible, but it fills me much.

(: and im pretty hyped up these days. i love the adrenaline rush of planning for things. in especially these recitals. and i pray that they'll be wildly successful haha. on the other hand i regret taking up some jobs, but then again its been my principle. never change my mind. its part stubborn and part principle. cos i know how sucky it feels to get people who make promises and turn their backs on you. so i'll give my best and continue doing so till i cannot tahan it anymore. hahaha.

it was a bad bad day on sunday. four pieces of bad news in a day. i felt really helpless, and it makes me go crazy. not being able to help. not being able to make things better. i felt their hearts breaking. and the tears flowed. to my dearest friend mr.vogue and your family, especially aunty Kat, stay strong and know that all of us will be here for you always. anytime. the same goes to dihui. you have my deepest condolonces.
and now, im hoping for the best for gu gu my aunt, and first grandaunt.

i love you guys. my mummy and papa. my two sisters. my grandaunts. my grandma. the aunts and uncles. the cousins. and the bestestfriends. the securityuncles and cleaning ladies in nafa. the sunshine-y owners. all the kids and musicians ive worked with. random people ive befriended. and you. thankyou for being in my life.

2007-07-25T03:09:00.000+08:00

everyone, please do go support Gone Shopping.the movie. (:
its a great local film. there's so much sadness, tinged with hilarious moments especially the dialogue btw the lil indian girl (btw, she can reallly act!) and the security guards. and somehow, the movie touched me greatly. there were moments one can relate to. like the ending line.
"i know that i'll miss this place and the people when im gone. but will i be missed, too?" the way scenes were shot, and linked was nice. and the most exciting part? was watching the list of credits crawling up and seeing the name felix phang up there on the big screen. three titles too! hohoho that was a cool moment. as he says, "it feels weird. like as if thats my twin who did it, not me" hahaha....whatever it is, im proud of his work in it, in his first movie production. to be able to witness the end result of all those long hours of work plus sucky tech troubles that he had to go thru, n everyth he got to see n learn. like....wayyytogo! (:

heres more random thoughts today, or rather yest.
life's all abt finding the perfect balance. the perfect mix. aint it so? in our playing, in trying so hard to find someone to share your life with, in cooking, in work, in ur daily lives. arent we such a troublesome lot..wanting to be able to alone and yet not lonely. and then when we want company, its gotta be that perfect type too. and then again, we tell each other to be who we are, just be ourselves. but ive realized thats not so easy too. no matter how much you try, we always fall into the trap of trying to be sth we arent. subconsciously.
the search for perfection. its such a haunting presence.
sometimes im scared we're trapped in a mundane cycle.
and there are days when i cannot find it in me to be me when im around you. i just wanna retreat into a shell and keep quiet. how ironic. when uve always said that im real high everytime. but yet i just find myself having mindblocks and tongueblocks and just a total schultz. i look around me and i see girls who are prettier, smarter, wittier, taller, carrying themselves with so much poise, girls who ooze charm, laughter n unique personality. and i look at myself, this walking shortie with a wooden head and clumsy limbs. then i glance at you. and, i wonder to myself. why? why why why why why?
and then the line from kirsty mcColl comes to my mind. "Im just the token girl"
yes. me. hello and welcome to my world.

2007-07-23T23:10:00.000+08:00

my brain was pretty dead to the world today. but its nice to be able to walk thru the streets in comfortable silence, sit side by side without really saying much, not doing much. in my comatose state of being. singing my random wordless songs. having no need to talk much. and just watch the flurries of people go by, the tourists that seemed to sprout from nowhere.

we met a pretty nice chilean couple today over lunch. doctors they are. i love meetin random people.

my head's all spinning now. i need to sleep, and to practice, to do something concrete on my plans. jap soon, thats quite cool. my list is starting to grow! and its kinda weird actually, knowing that the schoolmates had choir at 11am today and start lessons tmr but not being part of all that anymore. hooola

and ive got an awful huge bruise down my left leg. hurts like mad. and i got way cool foot and hand reflexology that day. plus massagetherapy rocks. oh yes and i finally met up with the house reps on sunday. my dearies are back from hk!! lovelywonderful. (: and lydia and zhao finally appeared after how long man. ive missed them greatly!

here end the most random post in my life.

2007-07-21T01:02:00.000+08:00

the nice couple today at the bistro made my day a really truly great one with the compliments paid plus the tips. (: and it was a superb feeling. i'll always always rmb today, for always. (:
working at the bistro, tho its super part time, has been interesting, fun, rewarding n ive learnt so much. everytime presents a challenge, and im trying so hard to be less sotong and be faster. its a job thats so diff from what ive done all my life. sth ive never attempted before. so heres whats impt.
1. as christin always tells me, treat customers as your friends, and they'll treat you as theirs too. and if you just present yourself as service staff to them, thats how they'll ever only see you as.
2. key in orders first. all the time!
3. be as fast as you can! and yet stay calm. and dont be blur. aiya. thats super challenging to me. all of you know, how slow i can be. and im sotong queen man....
4. don be one of those bugs that leave their crap everywhere behind them!

haha. and so thats the four most impt stuff for now. so yes. i love working there. and ive got great colleagues plus boss plus chefs. not to mention they coooook yummmylicious food. (:

i thought alot this week abt everything. and i talked alot abt everything too. and at the end of all this mental exercise, i still stick true to my decisions. ive never made such strongminded decisions too before, so that feeling of being so sure about these..well i know i wont live to regret. and i hope i dont. the heart's leading the way this time, together with some of the head.
i hope that i dont waste the year away. that the paranoia attacks that come and go, they re just false alarms. if not i know, the pride i have inside would all abandon me.

and im happy too. for that safe feeling i get. how the arm shoots out when i stumble. its like an auto reflex. how those words and actions let known that im thought of. and how i get to feel like miniroyalty sometimes. (:

2007-07-17T01:44:00.000+08:00

this is how i spent my twenty first year of existence, as alan loves to say to me. i spent the day and the day after on gorgeous food. allow me to tempt you all with these pictures. theyre enough to do the talking (: i went super high at merchant court. all that amazing salmon oysters mussels. plus bread and butter pudding! and wonderful fried porridge! not to mention absolutely high-inducing choc fondue. plus the most traumatizing bowl of 2 and 1/2 tangyuans. heh. i never laughed so much over such food. and i love the chilled peach and white wine soup and my favourite portobello burger plus cheese fondue plus earl grey panna cotta and vanilla vodka thick shake from indulgz. as twinny puts it, the two of us had three liquor-ed dishes at one go. enough to go mad! and yes, i had two fondues in two days.

and heres specially to the wonderful people who celebrated with me.
the twinny. my special mirrorimage, psychic girl, go wild partner and shopping buddy. i love you lots! for all your great advice, talks, chilling out, laughter, company. thankyou for the amazing seriously limited edition chupachups perfume! its even manufactured in three countries, just for one box. (:
the pignix, phoenix and penguin. my three bestest guys in school. thanks for everything we've been thru. countless movies concerts performances bitching arguments meals parties crazyvanrides photowhoring suaning studyingsessions phonecalls and whatnots. and nix, thanks for sacrificing by going to num to get vouchers for me hehe...very touched! peng, thanks for the elvispop surprise!!! and phoe....omg. u got me my fav all time doubleheaded lilies. (:
and the og..esp huimin and yanchuan. (: thanks for having dinner with me on the badluckfriday hehe. tho u guys had lastminute rushing to do. poor things...but well, i was one happy girl! awesomely touched.
three special phone calls made saturday a way cool day. bananababe, captain and all those guys there in hk. and ideabank darling! it was great to hear your voices tho ure not in sg. (: plus bananababe's grand surprise man. all thanks to her parents for delivering the card. she herself got a shock too!
and of course thebigone. i had the bestest dinner that day. thanks for bringing me to such a nice place. and the kuku ideas u came up with to make it a special day for me. i got a tummyache from laughing too much. the fighting the calls the pianojamming the accompaniment and everything else and yes, that conversation we had. made me wanna smile and cry all at the same time.

and last but not least. the family. for our quarrels fights tears screams. the laughter familiarity sweetness meals tv sessions playacting and madness. we've seen each other in our best and worst times. the only ones to do so. and for that i love you. muchhh.

so there.
im just very happy to have met all of you along the way in my life. all of you.
and i tenk im very lucky to have done so.
i couldnt imagine life without anyone of you, so yes, big hugs. to you you you and you. (:
thankyou for making this little life of mine, a really great one.

2007-07-12T00:58:00.000+08:00

im officially announcing to everyone in this huge wide world who bothers reading here, that im super-extremely officially banning my one and only self from further shopping, till further notice which wont be in the near future.
i'll be a spendthrift from now on (actually after next week), including my food expenses (omg, this area requires the most discipline. which i have absolutely no idea where im gonna get from). i shall only window gaze and indulge in oooohing and aaaahing to my hearts content. but i shall not reach for my wallet at all!!!
and please refrain from sending me any cool and pretty and freaking tempting online shopping websites cos the keyword for my 21st year will be. DISCPLINE.
mahahahs. all of you are prolly rolling your eyes till they spin and rolling your selves onthe floor in laughter.
but hey, im gonna try my best.
as sad as i am to ban myself too. hahahahahhaa. but i can be your shopping managers! (:
just ask huimin and thebigone. im a great shoppingmanager cum calculator aint i????
meanwhile, the twinny doesnt need one lah. haha. shes selfsufficient and even more talented in this field than i am.

alrighty. tschus!

p.s. im so loving german classes. i love how loud and silly the class people can get. i love running down the road my father supposedly owns hur hur...to buy food during break. and my wunderbar friends made there esp mei yan and my nemesis, tze rei, the kukuhead and class clown man.
p.s.s. imagine how exciting it would be to go for a foreign lang class every day of the week! monday jap. tues spanish. wed french! thurs italian. fri russian. sat german! and sunday revise everything. i'll go mad i tenk.

2007-07-09T01:18:00.000+08:00

in the name of randomness. heres my bunch of random pictures! (: and so...enjoy them.

2007-07-08T23:37:00.000+08:00

i finally met candace!!! hehe seeing her somehow made me feel really talkative. i know its again, hard to believe. but few people these days make me feel that way, its like the floodgates open and whoosh we just talk talk talk. and that was great. went to the art museum and was awed by the chalcography exhibition from the louvre museum. gosh man. i m so impressed by the skill and detail contained in those plates. theres absolutely no outlines, just pure lines, crafted in such fine detail that shadows and falling of light and all are captured. and gosh the printing methods were way cool. i want one tooo!!! anw girl, im just happy to see you and im glad we're finally watching buts tog soon, my concert buddy is back!

everyones flying everywhere. ideabnk is in usa and going taiwan which i cant go. bananababe n peig and shaunz are in hk!!! thats like the rest of my solaris housereps man. freaking sadness. :(
oh and terence is flying to aussieland tmr. and xinhe just flew there, i hope he's all settled now. and and...bigone has r******** in two weeks. ahhhhh!!!

today was my big screwed up day. spent 45min trying to get the blardy keyboard working at musart. damn sad....it was spoilt! but oh well it was great seeing tim and alibaba and xiaowan and shawn and all..but can u believe it. i spent 2 hours doing nth there!!! then i spent half n hour sitting at the staircase reading a bk waiting for a soloist to reach for reh. and i missed the bigone performing, just by a few min or sth.

i din know whether to laugh at myself or cry. haha....so i ended up watching hilarious hk shows on tv. my fave absolute love.

and your phone call made the day better. (: as they always do. especially the weirdest hour ones. i love those. like at 830am or 1am or 3am. hur hur. theyre the best. cos then i get to go to sleep happily. or wakeup a happy girl to a nice voice and great entertainment. the best part is they inspire me to wake up! thats good man...no more procrastination.
yes, wong yun qi is one happy person.

you all, stay happy too. (:

2007-07-05T00:55:00.000+08:00

cumarran's back!!! and so is candace!! haha. babe im so sorry i thwarted your plans to surprise me. your timing is damn bad la hehe. of all times you get people to ask me out when im not in sg, and twice. omigosh. haha.

it was a great great happpppy day cos i got to meet two of my favourite-st people today TOGETHER! how long has it been since that has happened huh! everytime cooky monster flies back to sg, huili and i are both not free on the same days. man. today was gooood. the indian slave, the filipino maria, and the shortie. haha. we were on a perpetual high. silly huili kept insisting her 'charm' looked like the top jasmine from Disney's Aladdin wears. so be it! so we kept singing the damn song from that movie. plus embarassed and disturbed cuma like mad. hello dude, we have been waiting all year to do this. and we want our car-ride!! its good to have you guys in my life, doing the silliest things together and embarrassing ourselves for the whole world to see and not caring a bit. i love you lots!

2007-07-02T22:14:00.000+08:00

heres what i got up to at home today when i got bored and felt like talking to someone.
1. i invented some freaking cool operatic and dramatic song dedicated to the great culinary love of my life, stuffed portobello mushrooms. haha....and im supposed to sing it for christin on thursday but i don tenk its possible cos the only place i can get into that kinda mood is at home. i love it when i start getting so high and irritating the hell outta my mum who doesnt know whether to laugh or kick me out of the kitchen. but in the end, we all cant stop laughing.
2. went to ntuc with my mum and yunyi and my heart got stolen along the way by a toddler malay boy! gosh. if only i had my cam with me. he smiled at me at the playground so i waved to him and played with him awhile. and guess what, when we went off, he came running after us! omg. i was so scared his papa tenk im a kidnapper! the kid took my hand and so i brought him back to the dad. ah!!!! hes such a beautiful boy! (:
disclaimer. im no paedophile lahh. stop saying i am all youall.
3. scared my mum's students with my psychotic laughter. well its all yunyis fault. thanks to her atrocious and ridiculous homemade videos taken of her and her friends in school. i tell you, kids nowadays do all kinds of mad stuff. like pretending to be airheads, nerds, impersonating themselves, running down slopes like madwomen, going gaga over stuff they have on their tables, and whatnots. well it was great entertainment for me girl. muacksss!

okie dokes. thats all folks. and i had a great day practicing man. so it was a good day after all (: i love you guys!

2007-07-02T11:48:00.000+08:00

u know how people in the circle sometimes enjoy shooting pianists by saying how we cannot keep time, cannot play in time, are freaking irresponsible and always end up playing fellow musicians out? well. whatever the truth is.
the tables have been turned and im pissed off. as of 11am today. and thats so not a good start to a monday morning. pissed to a state whereby i can feel the tears coming out.
be professional.
but thats so hard sometimes. i gotta swallow back hard, breathe deep. and it would help if you're awake to listen to the rants now.
sometimes it just takes away all that joy in making music. when uve got to deal with such crap like the attitude and moolah. i might be crazy at all times and on a high. but i know myself well enough that when it comes to work, i make damn sure that i do deliver. thats the least one should do aint it. and i would expect the other party to make the effort to do the same. but sadly, thats not the case always.

im blabbling away i tenk. im just pretty upset now. its spoiled the day for now. maybe what i typed doesnt make any sense. but wth.

2007-06-29T01:13:00.000+08:00

we went to mint toy museum finally today. (: haha. and it was wayyyy cooool. a first glance doesnt give away the amazing collection inside and its so so vintage. everything is like wow. and it was cool cos we were the only ones inside it seems. i loved the metal toys, so intricate and colourful and solid and ahemmmm 'clean'. the word of the day. hur hur. n the dolls are like pretty pretty. plus superheroes evolvement was interesting. and thebigone met his ancestors there man. he was called krazy kat once upon a time. n so thats how we signed the guestbook. tog with bruno the dog.
went over to yms to pass stuff to queen phoenix who sent me the most exciting msg few days ago. it wins hands down! and im over the moon. haha. (: s****, here i come man.
slacked at the office. chicken feast yet again was shiokness. we're only fated to have one chicken everytime. and ive found my new game to play there. band in a box rocks my socks dude. im hooooked. and i shall conquer those confusing chords and my slow brain sooon.
oh oh and they had the charity auction for Gone Shopping at marina sq. and they were playing the song he recorded for the closing credits. and i could feel the sense of satisfaction man!!!! omg its freaking coool i tell you. i cant wait for the movie to be out! everyone please go catch the show alright! 26th July!!

my very first tanning session in my life at cafe del mar yest with the mirror image. we had perfect weather. sunshine galore and gosh was it great! hahahaa. i felt damn naked tho omg what a weird experience! hahah. but it was lots of fun doing silly stuff. go see her blog for pictures. and superdog was superb! hahahahhaa. plus my very first facial goodness.

so there you go my two days of slacking madness. what joy! (: now its back to practicing. haha.

2007-06-25T16:26:00.000+08:00

pictures from nafa convocation 2007. (: it was good to see everyone together.
and all the smiles and crapping ard just like usual. everyones going
their seperate ways, but i hope we always keep in touch yea.

and here're the people who have taught me alot the past three years.
mrsphua whos given me alot of performance opportunities n guidance
that i really cherish, and ive learnt alot from her.
dr.yu whos a supportive, knowlegeable n great dean.
and unclezecky with his signature look. haha. thanks for the
exposure uve given me towards new music n ensemble playing. and of
course theres msarabesque whom im immensely grateful to have met.
your passion for teaching, concern and support for your students, plus
the amazing knowledge you have, not to mention inspirational lessons
n funny stories! dr.kan for the tons of hmw we have and the relentless
lectures thru which i gained so much insight. we might ve complained lots
but really, its all thanks to your lessons that we have a better understanding (:
ur dedication and passion is inspiring! dr.lim for the accomp lessons!
n of course the power girls jeslyn and joey! (: i'll miss disturbing you two
with roombookings and gossips man.

of course theres the grandaunt and mum. the two amazing women
who i love dearly and have brought me up since i was a baby.
okay and theres lastly my fella bg.s. haha. andrew the model
wannabe (: and chyi chyi from fine arts! nice to know you guys!

and now i present to you the crazy ridiculous partner in crime.
the mirror image who inspires me to empty pockets in
pursuit of a bursting wardrobe and great bargains, and who
cannot do goldfish pouts for nuts!!! see. we had to go thru
so much tummy exercising laughter before she finally achieved
it! but i still love you lots babe. youre da best!

2007-06-22T11:21:00.000+08:00

back from redang dudes. it was an amazing holiday. two whole days packed with stuff to do, from break of dawn till late at night but now im aching all over. (: but it was wunderbar. haha. pictures are up so i'll let em do the talking. the place itself is so damn beautiful. and the stuff u see underwater omg. eyeopener!

met up with the twinny yest finally. sentosa next week pleaseeee (: and she so inspired me to empty my pockets. and to create a new list of foodplaces i wanna go in the next mth! hahah!
1. first up is indulgz indulgz indulgz (: my first day there yest and it was interesting! and i so cant wait for the new menu man. my wonderful portobello burger omg can u just imagine it? its utterly to die for! plus earl grey pannacotta and my warm nutty brownie and cheesefondue
2. and then theres newyork newyork cos i love the turkeycranberrysaucethingiesandwich there htats freaking huge and juicy and delicious.
3. then theres ichiban boshi at esplanade cos they have new grand menu too and everything looks mouthwatering but if only i have mooolah to splurge i would order everything! haha.
4. spizza!!! (: we went there yest. and im in love with the place. and the ambience. hoho.
5. crystal jade! i wanna eat porridge (:

okie thats all for now. cos im really hungry and its making me feel even more hungry. more updates soon folks (:

2007-06-21T01:13:00.000+08:00

cedi. (: ure the best friend i made in redang.
i loved snorkelling together with you, going out
to the deep waters further than the rest and
the silly tricks u pulled. like trying to catch clownfish
for me from the sea anemones and diving down to
get sea cucumbers. and sneaking up from the back to
scare me. those were the best times man. and climbing
up to the top of the tiny hill to view the scenery.
and i loved the spontaneity. the way u greet me with
open arms! thnks for letting me stand in the steering
wheel cabin thing. thanks for every minute spent
together. i'll prolly never see you again soon.
but do remember me, okay? cos i'll always
always always rmb these two days. (:

a few of the other great guys who work there.
hafiz whos on his practicum...giving his horrible
funny face and took so many pictures of eveyrone and
who likes beethoven's music!! it was great
talking to you and just being entertained by u
whenever i decided to stop by the recreation
counter. or on the boats. or by the beach. and
hey dude all the best with ur studies okay! thanks
for sharing so much with me abt ur life. (: and
next to him is my first myanmar friend who
speaks great chinese how cool is that man. his
wide smiles never fail to make my days. and
theres a whole lot of other abangs who made
my trip really memorable. isnt it amazing. we
could barely hold proper convos but somehow
it din matter at all.

and presenting the sisters in a really lame shot
hahahahhaa (:

2007-06-21T00:30:00.000+08:00

lina..she who had to open her eyes wide
for this shot. haha...shes doing tourism practicum
at redand and i tenk its a damn funky job! i want!

meinu ong! haha..this is the big boss over at
redang bay!! it was hilarious talking to u n u
seriously dance wickedly well!!! thanks for
msging to check that i reached jb safely!

the sweet girl whom i could hardly communicate
with. thanks for the drink we shared by the bar.
and for bringing me to discover the magical blue sand
(: i'll miss ur smile!

the pro cedi...(:

2007-06-21T00:03:00.000+08:00

a few of the afghanistan friends we made over

there in redang! (:

2007-06-16T02:51:00.000+08:00

hooray. ive emerged from my stagnant no-photo posts for a day. so people...applause,drumrolls and kowtows please. (: enjoy the pictures. first collage presents the housereps on hilda and kats bdays. plus unglam ideabank pics hur hur. and todays solaris outing with our bodyguards. (: i love how mad we can get everytime and im glad everyone kinda still bothers meetin up cos you guys are really a special bunch of friends in my life always always.
and then theres the family in the next. see my adorable baby cousin who has won my heart totally over. and the parents! (:
and then theres the nafabestfriendsmasqueradetrio (: im gonna miss my phoenix and pignix alot man. so guys the third and fourth are for you specially. the spastic faces we've had. and well, enjoy the slimming sanctuary alright! muacks!!!

got my way cool foc haircut today. i absolutely love it. altho im a lil unused to it still. when i see my reflections in hte shop mirrors and etc i get a shock! and i like my new friend meiling! youre a great hairstylist (: ah. and nix got a cut today too. so it was haircut day! hes now a funky monk on the loose in town haha..

and im excited abt my new job...aka my first employed job! how interesting man. (: apprehensive, i hope i learn the ropes fast and i don let them down.

off to redang tmr. cant wait!!!
willyamissme.

2007-06-16T02:43:00.000+08:00

2007-06-15T02:23:00.000+08:00

and so today we had our very last gig at the esplanade. and i had a sudden urge to burst into tears right after we ended the old mac song. a sense of nostalgia. and sadness. for everything we've gone thru. right from the wonderfully happening xmas gig, to ragtime part one, the outdoor gig, the wedding horn gig, and this ragtime part two. those 'somewhere along the way we lost our head' discussions. full of deviations and laughter and suaning (mainly of me. dammit) and bitching (our fav activity) and of course the best music making in the world. cos regardless of everything that happens, when we come together to make music, it always feels great. yes, sometimes sian. but at least...i enjoy it often. its always hard to find people you can work together well with, and yet have great personal relationships. to chamber sounds, thankyou for being my best friends in school, my wonderful working partners, and everything else that matters. (: perhaps we wouldn have known, one year ago, that we would have been able to put all these tog. but we have, dudes. we have!!! so be proud of that alright!
ten years later, we'll all return from over the world and restart the stagnant engine for chamber sounds. and then we'll paint the island RED with all our ambitious plans. starting with our ChamberSoundsVan. and then move on to the many subsidiarygroups, recordingstudios, whatnots.
and till then, thank you for the memories. and the awesome experience. and to everyone who has supported us, THANKYOU! the audience who made it all so worthwhile to perform for. some who come for both nights which means four slots in all. classmates, friends and lecturers (ms arabesque!) who ve made their way to support us.

sometimes i wish i had a videocamera that captured down every moment of my life. then i could just press the play button and watch my life all over again. the happy memories. the important moments. even the sad stuff. they've all trickled past. and its impossible to hold on to them.

2007-06-11T23:34:00.000+08:00

its a huge disappointment when the family is finally taking time off busy schedules to go on a tiny holiday together in many years, and just days before that you find out the dad cannot go anymore. due to some last minute bizness stuff. damn his clients. they just had to choose that lucky day to arrive in jb. :(
ive never been a daddys girl. but i still love him lots. hes my funny papa with his out of point comments and his insistent interest in taichi martial arts and kungfu. we bond in the car on sundays. over talks of cars that we're gonna buy someday (as of today the list has been started for nearly 10 years and comprises from breadvans to lorries to minibuses and various brands of cars!) and its hilarious hearing him scold drivers on the road. plus hes always given me support in pursuing music. so he tells me..'qi ah, altho i dunno music at all but when i hear u playing i know its good'. haha it touches me somehow. his quirky ways of letting me know he cares..like banning me to give massages and play basketball cos he says it'll injure my fingers which i need for piano. and buying coffee beans from places he travels to for my mum who loves coffee. or enduring traffic jams from jb to sg just to bring a birthday cake and spend a few hours here. and i miss those weekly botanical garden trips we always made when i was younger. know what my aunts n uncle envy us cos hes super fierce and stubborn to them being the eldest. i tenk its funny...they come up to us and jokingly complain to us and tell us we're so lucky we don have to endure his wrath and scoldings. (:

2007-06-11T01:44:00.001+08:00

ive been listening to really great music the past two days. so i just had a sudden urge to write abt all the wonderful music i love cos they really make my day and they make me go high.
new jazz discoveries like maria schneider whose pieces especially Concert in the Garden is totally awesome. i cant even begin to describe it...you just gotta go listen to it yourself to understand. today i listened to the piece more than five times and its still not enough. the orchestra rocks too man. now i know why thebigone idolizes her music. and oh oh...ryuichi sakamoto. his music is damn simple but its spellbinding. (: and it calms me down.

then theres eric ewazen...im learning his trio for flute horn and piano and i love his harmonies!!! plus engaging rhythms and the beautiful melodies. omg. its damn hypnotic to practice it! i love practicing schuberts trout quintet too! and his lieder are achingly beautiful. like the Winterreise and Gesang der Geister über den Wassern for men's choir. same goes to schumann. to me they truly embody the essence of the german art songs.

and on to my all time favourites. theres the russian composers like kabalevsky my first love and khachaturian plus mussorgsky. their music is the ultimate when it comes to excitement and colours. gets the blood and adrenaline pumping to the max. and theres the french composers like ravel whom i love for his orchestration and the etheral quality of his music. at least it is etheral to me. fleeting, cheeky, graceful, and the kind of music tht grabs you and doesnt let go even after it has ended. analysing his music is interesting too cos of the modes he uses plus the way conventional form is exploited in his hands.

my list wouldnt be complete without mentioning ligeti. i truly admire his compositional techniques and how his writing, so seemingly simple can evoke a kaleidoscope of activity.soundscape.layers.colours.images.emotions. they reflect his many interests and influences and yes its worth the painstaking effort to actually learn them. every time i practice them theres always a new discovery, a fresh insight. and it feels shiok. to add on to this list lets include mr.js.bach. he who gave us so many inventions and fugues and etcs to learn. hehe but yes it is also shiok practicing them. and listening to his aweinspiring works.
thats enough for now. the list is neverending i guess.

i miss my ideabank partner. sometimes i dial her number to see where she is then i rmb oh man shes still in usa.
have you been in the company of people you know really well and then all of a sudden you feel as if youre all alone. thats sad.

don give me false hope and joy. cos im a case of manytimesbitten.

2007-06-09T00:41:00.000+08:00

i like this new blogskin..dont ya?
kudos to mr vogue for helping me with the html crap.
and it was fun that day helping doc zecky set up a blog.
i had a mad rush from mon to tuesday.
played for two com in sg and then flying to harbourfront to catch my aeroline (meeting the nice indian couple fr kl was great! i enjoyed it.)
and then my first stay in a hotel all alone. the second mad rush to genting. and then coming back to perform straightaway. its been a test of mental strength!
getting lost was memorable. hehe. after three rounds of wrong directions that had me walking back n forth for damn long i finally met my lifesavers who sent me in the car.

i was initially apprehensive abt the trip cos of all that hassle i knew i had to go thru.
yet the adorable zhenghua kids, the funny teachers and of course my roomate shihua all made it worth it.
getting to know all these people better was a great experience. (:
like the three dolls and hearing different stories from the teachers...and the ghost cum army camp incidents...and of course our happening three hour german conversation at night which consisted of two boring topics!! the theme parks and wandering ard at odd hours and collapsing on the beds and being a sms consultant and squeezing 50 ppl in a tiny room for a party and talking to kids and suppers and etc etc.

it was wonderful receiving all ur msgs. and a call when i arrived back home made it a great day. plus a dinner even tho i was quite stoned. what can i say? im very touched (: its the kinda feeling that makes one smile like a fool without being able to help it. and it spreads all the way to your tiinytoes. and it energizes me.

look at me. it was only genting and i can talk so much already. the blog will explode when its further. (:
alright i hope everyone's been well. so many people i havent seen in ages...you have my sorry....:(
FANG...happy 21st!!! and smint and huili and min and twinnyyy and xinhe and fia! youre very much missed.

2007-05-29T00:50:00.000+08:00

hello dear world. i know i havent been updating here in a million years plus the new skin really sux which is kinda sad cos i liked the flying pigs part. sigh. lousy template! :( damn it.

i love going on retail therapy especially as twinny puts it, unearthing all the unique lil shops around in sg. its really exciting to discover new shops tucked away in some hidden corner of a mall. even more so when the sales assistants and shopkeepers are funky friendly people who're on the right frequencies as you. these people. o man. they can make me feel instantly awake. so kudos to jasmine from koi nobori, my newly awarded best shopkeeper (or whatever they are called) of the year! actually, many years. shes one inspiring little lady with so much enthusiasm and infectious energy for her job i tell you. even tho its just a sales job u might tenk. nooooo shes bound to make you tenk otherwise. makes me admire her! this is how everyone should go to work! love it so much that you make others enjoy what youre doing too! and so that you wanna go work still even youre sick and all. (:

i loved pirates marathon too. oh man. dearest quartet of P's, we have now officially been out with each other for a total of six days consecutively. hahaha. what boring mundane lives. (: so anw i loved the mad rush to toilets and popcorn gathering. haha. going high in the van the macs the fongseng the west coast park the cinema. photowhoring like mad. playing the playground at 7 in the morning. johnny depp's awesomely ridiculous acting haha. baboussan's classic voice. and the fruits.

teaching a young kid for hte first time in my life has been an eye opener. the funny stuff he says to me and does melts my heart. its touching to have kids open up to you and trust your advice and confide in you. my kid has a crab for a pet lah. it was crawling freely around the house today hahhaa which was exciting. but at times i really wanna strangle him .hhahaa. just scream in his face and shake him till he starts using his lazy brain to answer questions and concentrate! this is the ultimate test of patience. my training cum torture.

you dont need to be so cynical do you? do you enjoy putting me down so much? you din use to be this way. so why now? at such a time too.

and im having the time of my life. (: theres no happy ending in sight i know. even with binocs one cannot see it still. but i promised myself to live everyday to the max. and i have sort of. haha. i'll cherish every waking moment i get, thats thrown at me. so that when the end comes, i have no regrets. just happiness. which money cant buy, it can only be bought by people and marshmallows (: just promise me, u don disappear once more. and i'll be contented. hur hur.

2007-05-14T14:05:00.000+08:00

for the first time in a long while, the pages in my organizer are blank. nada. zilch. hoho. its a weird feeling having nothing on. no rehearsals to go to. nowhere to rush to. im having to adjust to this damn weird feeling! and its oddly nice. getting to be in such a state.
but well i still need to get more work. and lets hope this lasts awhile only. if not one wouldnt appreciate such a state anymore. and anw i have too much energy inside of me. gotta have somewhere to let it out.

you know, you have so much power.
and yet you have no idea. perhaps thats part of the charm.
which lies in that impish grin of yours too. the wild ideas.
the ability you have to inspire. and calm.
and place me in a world whereby all sense of time vanishes.
its your magic.

2007-04-24T02:31:00.000+08:00

i hate the way technology takes over our life and manipulates and controls it. when it fails to work, it completely screws up your mood. and you just feel bloody helpless especially if youre like me, a tech idiot. well so what if im one. sometimes i wish life wasnt so dependent on technology. it might just be a much happier place. it might just be more peaceful, more caring, and yes, connected. with real connections between humans who have somehow morphed into alien like creatures. we've all become robots living a dead life in this concrete jungle, breathing in processed cold air instead of that warm rush of breeze thats filled with so much life.

and i wanna have some decent sleep.
and come may, i wanna escape. in three years ive not have had a chance to spend one single day lazing around, just being a total bum. that would be a glorious luxury. now, i want to have at least one such week. just grant me that.

in the past mth.
ive watched the fantastic movies like meet the robinsons and nada sou sou and Because i said so. heartwarming touching movies. i love.
ive swam so much, i tenk i wanna have a pool/seaside house in future. so that everyday i can jump in and do my laps. its destress ultimate. its the best way to release all that pentup energy inside.
ive gone on a mad raincoat and umbrella shopping spree hur hur...ive got a way coool candycane umbrella now. (:
ive met so many new people. learnt alot from them, had a great experience working with them, or just simply meeting them, bumping into them in my life. the conductors, the choir kids with so much amusing questions and comments, the enthusiasm and high expectations they have. i got to see how different people deal with situations. and i must declare happily i love the chapalang friends ive made all over the island. the many security guards from everywhere and the cleaning aunties in nafa who quietly toil to make our school so much cleaner. kudos to them. the nydc funny guy. the crazy aunties and uncle at the sunshine printing shop. sometimes i go there just so to chat with them. my uncle victor!! the family at isle. the grannies and ahma at aroma. so many more. they bring smiles to my day. and its always fun having outings wiht nix cos we make new friends everywhere. hur hur.

2007-04-07T22:12:00.001+08:00

things i hate
when we have shouting matches at home and you get all worked up, like as if the whole world is against u.
how money ends up controlling the whole world. how the world is so materialistic whether u like it or not.
quarrelling.
how you always say and do the things you scold me for, but you dont see it . not one bit.
moblie phones.
people who walk around with eyes closed and at snailissimo pace.

things that make me a happy girl
retail therapy. just trying on everysinglepiece of nice clothing and shoe in each boutique. and imagine buying them all.
food therapy. icecream tops todays list.
moonlight beach therapy. i love going sentosa at night. sitting by the beach. getting hypnotized by the sea. the tide coming in. getting my pore-refinement treatment from ultra fine sand buryment. and talking to my ideabnk.
eyecandy therapy. seeing and talking to one goodlooking guy. nice eyes, nice smile, funny stuff you say. i like the laughter too.
music therapy. aka accompaniment. and listening to nice songs all over again. like beautiful by lifehouse. and eason chan.
child therapy. teaching amusing kids. how they love deviating to tell u interesting stories. the sense of achievement when u get them to focus. its tiring tho.
sleep therapy! knowing that i get to sleep in late the next morning tmr.
bestfriend therapy. telling these best friends my ugliest secrets. i love u!

the things i hate are less than those i like. thats a good sign.

thankyou smint and ideabnk darling. and nix.
peng: CCC! i cant wait! woohoo. thanks for round one.

okay. spending two hours plus online has made me happier. toodles. time for zzzz. (:

2007-04-06T13:57:00.000+08:00

went to the columbarium today. it was nostalgic, tinged with regret that ive never gotten to know my granma. and especially, my greatgranpa. reminded of when i was doing the art project on him, his works, his contributions to sg art scene. and to the school. he was such a great man. and everytime i walk past that bust in sch, theres so much emotions.
and then, we visited you. i was looking for you, when ur photo appeared suddenly. and the tears came.
i only knew you for a year. but u already captured my heart
so why did you have to go.
u went in such a cruel manner at that. so all we're left are memories. already so distant. the computer games, the neoprints, the dumplings. and ur parents, they're left with nth.

anyhow, chambersounds went back to crescent with me and it was fun. (: talking to lil kids and all. meeting my juniors whom ive never met. hehe.
and we had a great chalet. more abt that next time. but the first night was magical. a perpetual holiday continuing on to the next morning, all in the pool. our gang of mermen and mermaria, and their SEAolympic dugong gang. hur hur. doing our synchronized swimming stunts, our mermaid tail strengthening yoga, and nix's floatation campaign. and the machik trio's cleaning up exercise. the cloudgazing, enlightening talk, yada yada.

read alans blog. yea man. im gonna miss so many things that made nafa so happening and so exciting to be in. everyday was a perpetual hyperventilation for us. (:

like the vogue gang, the rpg days we had where the first two rows would be filled with red polos, black polos or white. nix's random whale moment during harmony lecture. clarence's three years of weird random outofpoint questions, making his entrance and exit out of lectures known to the whole world and his 'hot-boys' moment. ruthvioletrobertlinchunen aka spongebobsquarepants (the longest name in the class). hehe. our gossip sessions with the lecturers like dkan, ms arabesque, doctor, mr yap. hahaha...and the many tricks we played on clare, and the tricks that were played on ME!!! dammit. including the doctoring of my history portfolio, cant believe i fell for it man. maggie's relentless pursuit of penguin..kevin's self-ostracization which he thought would go un-noticed. royce's sleeping chair. ping's eye cues. all the many funny rehearsals ive had with all the musicians. me and maggie's house. the happening tuba room and com lab where gossip is exchanged and people fall of chairs. birthdays. study sessions. kopi teh sessions. makan sessions. disturbing the tuba lessons with the semiquavers. vandalisation of the noticeboards. like a huge tagboard or sth. my forever bursting locker no.22. the security guard uncles, the cleaning ladies. i love them! disturbing yohanna and teacher karen. and amy!!! and theres much more...i cant write all of it down. cos im in a rush. hehe.
more to come den. but yea, i will miss nafa alot.

2007-04-01T00:44:00.000+08:00

2007-03-31T23:38:00.000+08:00

2007-03-31T00:38:00.000+08:00

ive been flooded with concerned questions the past few days. its been scary, overwhelming and for a few moments i felt lost again. floundering. theres nobody who can make the choice for me, only myself. and how do i know im right? im only me. i don wanna regret this. and i hope i can trust my gut instinct as i have all along. but i do know, i will fight with spirit. and i will do a damn good job to make sure the dream comes true.
ah. but the uncertainty. it overwhelms totally. i know, i cant rest well till its settled.

ideabnk darling, thanks for everything you said tonight. they meant alot. and im grateful youre there for me. so yes i will go for the dream alright (: thanks, girlfren. for being there for me always. thru the horrible relevation i had tonight, and the questions. love ya lots girl. HUGS.

it was a kaleidoscopic beautiful mess, at the very least.
my selfhypnotization will work yet again.
the nagging doubts found their answer.
and somehow im glad i had the courage.
but sigh. the answers.

its alright. life is still beautiful.

2007-03-26T01:53:00.000+08:00

ive cooped myself up in my room for the past two days, with the noble aim of learning three crazy accomp by today. monday actually. if not, im deadmeat. desmond is deadmeat. so the very fact that im typing away here indicates sth doesnt it? (: i tenk/hope/pray i pulled it off! well. wait and see how it goes in like approx 12 hours time! so it was very mind-torturing. lots of singing to myself. but i love the works. so u see...its all v worthwhile. (:
in btw i managed to finish off three books. hur hur.
and eat a whole lot of junk.
and watch two dvds.
one hour each!

the bananababe managed to make me go high in my braindead state on friday. which was full of madness. including her classic moment of all times. breaking the jacky cheung face cut-out which was attached to the body!!! at some sistic outlet which i shall not mention in order to protect her privacy, lest she gets called up!! it was hilarious to see it come off with one not so gentle tug and even more to see it glaring up at me from her bag later in hte train....when we were listening to one of his songs. HORROR! she was all ready to be his no. 1 fan or sth man. (: kfc rocked. so did the thousands of specs lying on the counter. (:

a thousand and one things i wanna do. and all at once.

and theres the nagging doubt thats speaking to me like a damned inner voice. asking me if ive made the right choice. only this time its only yes. i cant go back anymore. can everyone pls tell me its all for the best pls.

i wanna know whats going on in ur mind. and i wanna know if my fluffy daydreams are gonna turn into reality. i wanna say so many things. but once again, resident noisemaker turns 180deg into ms scaredy cat.
but most of all, i want this magic uve so naturally cast to keep on flowing. dont stop, will you?
for me. im selfish. and for us.

2007-03-23T00:36:00.000+08:00

alrt. graduation recital is over (: (: and that makes wong yun qi one happy girl. yea man. im happy. blissful. hyped up. hungry (again). and feeling contented. at peace.
its thanks to the people who came down, so thankyou mummy dearest...i din know you were being nervous and scared there..hehe. ure amusing. mr.vogue for being there always, for accompanying me all 6 times i had exams. the muffins and flowers everytime. (: ur msgs of encouragement or just to entertain my nonsense too. i really appreciate it a whole lot. and thankyou, pignix my bestest manager. for ur mad rush today from one end of the island to the other 2x, ur 30bucks worth of cab fare. im touched! it was a great to see u backstage when i finished playing (: if not i would have exploded man. and of course, mirrormirrordarling! i finally saw u aft u got back from san diego! im proud of u babe. and my mirror in law! haha. and thankyou kevin for recording for me! and tekxin and marcus for coming down specially (: six years of friendship. hoho. and of course, mr.older-by-one-year, the big one. im touched that u came so freaking early..even before i reached. it was a good day today yea. and im glad u liked the present. (:

so there....three years of studying flew by in a twinkling of the both eyes. so fast. so many memories. i'll miss everything. ive learnt so much, academically, musically, experience-wise, friendship, abt people, abt life. and ive met many people that im glad to have met. teachers that ive have the honour to study with. so yeap. it was a great experience. both the good and bad, im glad to have had. it was a sudden decision, but ive never regretted.
now. its on to a new start. the break will be good to reflect and absorb on everything learnt. and im praying hard for the scholarship. and etc etc.
and im glad to be out of this too in a way. out of the stress and burden. the screwups. and so manymore stuff i wont mention. those im happy to say bye too hehehehe.

2007-03-19T00:45:00.000+08:00

went for the chick corea and gary burton concert on thursday. and it was well worth every single dollar and cents of my 62bucks. especially after they did the seat exchange for us...a peek over the guy in front of us revealed a whooping 150buck seat for us! surprsie surprise. (: and so. i loved the amazing chemistry between the two awesome musicians. so understated and subtle but so powerful. i loved the improvisations the magical harmonies the dialogue the sparks and the stage presence. in particular the hypnotizing song. so simple and yet so effective. the tango! the brazil song. and the opening piece. they're funny people too.
and i left the concert totally inspired. armed with the totallycool huge manuscripts ready for the bigone's transcriptions. haha.

we had a cockedup day yest. the messiest dinner ever which was hilarious. a result of mayo chili fries melting icecream flying arms and two extremely starving people. all over the place. music and lyrics is also damn funny. and the lines in it...they struck so many chords. so true. so well spoken. man. so much that its spooky.
and somehow, i felt like turning. and asking. and saying

im all in a mess.
dejavu.
a tangled web i somehow am happy to be in.
lies?
they're the ultimate when u create them for yourself.

if i saw a shooting star now.
theres only one thing i would wish for.
and every cell in me
theyre praying, this time round,
that im lucky. lucky just like how a bad pronounciation of my name would sound.
u dunno, how much i want this.

2007-03-11T12:18:00.000+08:00

theres a rollercoaster of emotions going on in side of me.
this past weeek especially.
nagging frustrations. heart breaking disappointments. exhilarating pure uninhibited joy. blissful peace.
piling up stress. schizo moments of feeling all alone and yet being supported at the same time.

well, im glad i can feel all these. goes to show im very much alive, yes?
makes me richer in experience.
stronger in person. and its humbling.

ive looked deep into myself. and i know somehow i will get thru this.
in one piece or many pieces.

but i just wanna say this.
sometimes, the hardest thing on earth is to be really coldhearted.
to be able to walk away. and not do ur best to help.
and as sad as it is to say this, i wished yesterday, with all my might, that i could do just that.

and not to be obligated to anybody. perhaps just for one hour in my life.

2007-03-09T23:28:00.000+08:00

so we went for a crazy day of GeekFest yesterday! hoho. and my, i had so much fun. imagine. (: bumped into angela and her sis there. they're working there for the four days so it was good catching up. and see they were just as surprised as mysefl to see me there.
laughed myself crazy over our self-appointed geek army with their arguments over spec.s, self-directed dejavu conversation, the exciting discovery of *gasp* a whole line-up of the USB 'lazy people rule' series. know what, they have everything ranging from usb lights and fans, sharpeners! rollable keypad which is damn funky, and the bigtime winner, the heater plus cooler. omg. u wont needa move a single inch once uve set up ur v complicated usb system. and bigone got a way cool deal with his two for one brotherinks. man. lastly, theres my very very cool and happening FE210! totally idiot-proof. tried and tested. with an exciting 7.1 megapix. all for a price of 299bucks. (: (: (: so u see, it was a productive day after having my brains fried and tortured in the morning by counterpoint yucks. haha.

i finally made my decision regarding future studies. makes me one enlightened, happier girl more at peace with myself. at least for now, i don need to walk around singapore constantly being bugged with the nagging thought of what to do. i dunno if this is a good or perfect or smart decision. but i do know this is what ive been wanting to do. and i finally have the courage within me to say yes to what the heart wants. and this time round i know, im sticking to it no matter what. toes and fingers are all triple crossed. and thankyou, bigone. thanks for the constant hypnotising. somehow u gave me the courage i was lacking in one lethal injection, and now, i can do it.

everyone's busy busy busy of late. hang in there alright. (: we can do this.

much love, me.

2007-03-07T00:23:00.000+08:00

sometimes the things people say are just plain weird.
this has never crossed my mind ever. hearing that from u was simply strange.
does that even matter?
it got me all worked up.
a little hurt.
very bothered.
plain stunned.
and rendered speechless.

the wonders of life eh.

these days. im veering on the edge of extreme personalities.
one moment i do everything on the act of spontaneity. anything goes. and the nike motto just do it speaks for me.
the next moment, im calculating, recalculating, weighing the options and driving myself mad.
for now, i ll just go with the flow. whatever is gonna happen pls happen
with fireworks bigbangs champagne and sparklers please.
my patience is reaching its end.

i have a great craving to go backpacking. hiking. rock climbing!!!. and i wanna learn scuba diving. just be in the outdoors again. its been too long. i miss it.

graduation soon. everyones going their ways. three years of memories bad and good, noisy and crazy.
time to plan for our future. and its one big world out there. way big.

2007-03-04T09:01:00.000+08:00

so you appeared once more
and disappeared without a word.
i'm still the same. all on the outside and inside.
thats what i tell myself.
but a sneaking suspicion whispers to me
im not.
somethings changed. that lil fist sized organ in me.
see, whether its in bright daylight or after11.
i still cannot see you.

and now. my mind and heart do not tenk the same way
not anymore.
uve put them on opposing sides of a war that goes on everyday.

2007-02-28T23:49:00.000+08:00

happy birthday mr. alan phoenix vogue kartik! haha.
it was scary going on a sugar high yesterday. i scared myself. the pent up energy i had inside of me, like a tightly wound spring that had been compressed too long was just waiting to let itself out. i tell u, if i could i would have gotten up and run ten times around the whole of raffles city shopping center. and u know hwat, i din even take any sugar!!! lack of sleep i guess? plus one whole day of intense rehearsing. haha. so im on another level of madness now? omg.

something happened yesterday. too.
extremely weird.surprisng.scary.and yet also surprisingly,nice. haha.
it was just plain mind-stunning that it happened.

im in a list making mood recently. (: today i shall do a list of.... i know. five random things abt me. haha. pls do one of yourself and post in ur blog. andentertain me.

1. i multi task in my sleep. u see, i talk, shout, hold audible convo with characters that appear in my dreams, walk abt my house, fall down from the bed, attempt to climb up the window grilles (omg). and in the process i scare or entertain the whole household. this great talent was a gift from my mum..haha. she tried to sleep-fry a pillow when she was my age.
2. if i could i would cut my hair damn short but too bad i cant..i would look like a swollen mushroom head. too bad for having pongpong hair.
3. i have a constant craving to be sneak out of my house at midnight and go lie down in the middle of the huge bball court infront of my house. and just fall alseep there, under the stars. (: it would be v happening. like how sometimes there are a few likeminded ppl i see there, playing their guitars and just chatting into wee hours of the night.
4. i wanna go rockclimbing and mountain climbing n learn scuba diving and go kayaking man. havent done these for the longest time. i missss.
5. sometimes i communicate better thru written word rather than spoken. and that sux bigtime. i know i either don make much sense or lose track of my self, or im too shy to say whatever i wanna say. sometimes, im just in front of the person and i take so long to decide how to say it, or if i should say it. and i never ever reach the conclusion. hur hur. hopeless like mad.

ok la. im going to sleep. i miss my friends! smint.fang.ali.alibaba.tim.xinhe.ideab*nk.angela.grannyfia.mouse.thebears.cand.cookymosnter.
ure all much missed okay. and i wanna see u ALL.

goodnights (:

2007-02-27T17:53:00.000+08:00

since theres some anon. tagger called yq's stomach. i shall blog abt my ten fave food. yes. again. haha. excuse me for the inoriginality cos my mind and body are floating now after a mere two hours of sleep yest. its madness.

so here goes.
the ten things i wanna eat right now.
1. fig and olive sandwiches, hot or cold. anything goes (: i love them! so chunky and packed with goodies, fresh from the earth. haha.
2. swensens ice cream. omg. choc malt balls rock i tell u. and i wanna try the breakfast there.
3. talking abt bfast, yes, i wanna go for subway bfast and tcc bfast and menottis bfast hahaha. im on a bfast craze!
4. maggiemeegoreng. (: altho abdullah is violently against this, i still tenk its good stuff.
5. thai curry. my newlove. esp the one cooked by mum.
6. oh oh oh chweeeeekueehhhhh
7. oh oh oh oh oh humongous fishballsfishcakesandotahslices at chinatown. twinny ure wanted!
8. dim sum. hoho. my fave uncle
9. lets see. yes i have cravings for soup too.
10. and. lastly. the crazies thing in the world once more, donut factory. pignix, when when when? we need to have another productive day again hahaha. that was fun.

i don care if you tenk im plain greedy. as the big one rationalizes for me, hungry people are good. why? cos they are the ones who make the world happier! if you eat with them, you feel happier when u see them grow happier after filling their empty or not so empty stomachs. (: so u see, i have such an impt role in this world. i make u guys happier! haha (:

2007-02-24T22:00:00.000+08:00

im sick of this. helping people is meant to be something that is joyful. but you make it a living hell for me. have u ever thought of a fact that i have a life of my own too? and in retrospect, have i ever thought of living more for myself? its partly brought abt by myself i guess. i never know how to say no. i always felt that was selfish. and its sad that im tenking this way now. but now. i want out. i want to be able to sleep at a time before 1am. i wanna do things because i want to. can someone teach me how to say no? why do you have some idea that i am here to be at ur beck and call? im not. if u are stressed, so am i. why dont u open ur eyes and look around u. everyone is just as busy and suffering and stressed and ure not the only one and that is enough reason that u don have any license to throw ur temper around when u want, raise ur voice if u feel like it. the world is full of selfish people. and it irks me so. ive been scaring my mum recently. bysobbinmyselftosleep. and its scaring me. sobbing like the end of the world has arrived when it hasnt isnt good. but im near to the point of breaking down. im losing it i tenk. and im finding it increasingly harder to control my emotions. any moment in time, any carelessly spoken word or look or gesture is enough to turn the leaking tap on. but im glad to have a mum like you, dearest mum. ure happeningly cool, tho sometimes u irritate me like mad (its retribution for me right). and thankyou for loving me so much. in so many ways. and being so psychic abt me. the way you just know things even my deepest secrets even tho i don tell you, its scarrry. but yes, thankyou for being here for me always.

ive been having tons of interesting and engaging conversations with phoenix recently. hehe. thanks dude. more pls. (: i enjoyed myself man. even tho we almost ended up having a war! haha.

i watched The Woodsman today. found it at home, i nv watched it tho i bot the dvd damn long ago. and its really good. its haunting. the way the issue of a lost soul trying to regain his place in society is dealt with amazingly. u see that normalcy is redefined for him. u see the many layers to a person and how society often fails to see that. how we always stereotype.
"the world tends to notice the bird with the brightest plumage. but that doesnt mean those with feathers that are not as bright, are uglier." sth liddat. heh. i tenk thats so true.

2007-02-23T01:11:00.000+08:00

hello darlings (: i know i havent blogged in a million years. for some weird reason i cant view my own page from my house com so that pisses me off greatly.

celebrated this old man's birthday today. it was amusing to see his reaction when the quintet played happy birthday for him after the opening bar of schubert's trout quintet. and even more so to be able to slap him on his shoulders 31 times (: haha. so we all had a good time at menotti's. im gonna nominate that waiter for best service award man. hes the best. always makes our visit there great.

its also happy birthday to my dearest blurrest and most hilarious lignum bodyguard alene!! awhile ago tho. im glad to have had the chance to know this girl better recently. she never fails to make me laugh. and the most impt thing is she doesnt ever set out to amuse. its all in earnest. (: also mouse huimin. hehe....girl i'll see u soon in march okay? MUACKS.

ive been planning all sorts of nonsense, complete with the addition of 'after march'. hur hur as if i'll really get so much time aft march for them. but!! its exciting! so much i wanna do after march! (: iwannagohongkongandhavepicnicsandusemyfonduesetandkboxandwatchmoviesandbakeandrepaymysleepdebtsandspend
timewithsomanypeopleandiwannagofortheexcitingeasterneuropetripomgandiwannalearnmychinesemedthingieandetcetcetc.

yes. theres the triple E coming. exciting eastern europe trip! coolness i tell u. im praying with all twenty fingers and toes triple crossed everyday! i wanna be part of it!!

and The Big One is finally back in sg! for one year! woots. ure much welcomed back. (: its been fun! more happening stuff yes? haha. and u finally see me at the piano. embarrassing la. full of nonsense.

im having so much fun playing schuberts quintet. and chen yi's ancient dances from china. and ligetis etudes. and yadayada. its just this happy feeling, being able to play such great music. its totally happening. i cant wait for poulenc! hohohos.

alrighty thats all for now. im tired. more next time. happy cny everyone! hope you had a great week, great rest, and had fun visiting and pigging out? haha. ciaos. (:

2007-02-01T18:20:00.000+08:00

its the final lap of school for us and theres so much stuff to do. work to finish. pieces to practice. yada yada. and yet somehow it sometimes feels like all the work we need to finish, they arent urgent cos the deadlines were not looming in sight yet. (oh well now they are emerging slowly one by one). so everyone just KIVed them and didn really wanna tenk abt it. but its coming closer and closer. and its scaring the hell outta me. just one mth more and thats it, bye bye diploma studying. so i shouldn slack so much right? i should be chionging more now. but im not. pull up those non existent socks of yours yunqi and start doing some real work instead of procrastinating like mad! yea man. im doing it so unconsciously that its become too natural.

too much stuff flew by and i ve lost the urge to blog abt them anymore. its been madness. shiokness. lotsa fun. frustrations. pigging out. angry stuff. sad stuff. sleep deprivation. practicing and rehearsal chionging. for the past one mth since school started. its hard to believe its only been one mth!

blah blah. my minds too tired to tenk much abt anything now. and. theres the thought of where to study in the future thats been bugging me constantly. well at least ive got some kinda sketchy plan now. but i gotta do some real action for that. and i need buckeroos. sometimes, i wish there was somebody who could gimme some concrete advice.

sometimes i just feel lost.
and sometimes, i wish there was a living thing with ears that are labelled 'for yunqi's use only' so i could pour all my rantings and whinings and complains and worries into it. and that person would just listen to me and lemme go on n on.. and that person would somehow make it feel like, its not so bad after all. that person needn say a single word. but thats just...wishful thinking i guess. thats sth hard to find, at least for me.

sorry if this has been depressing to read eh. to complete the whole random post. i just wanna say playing bartok with quy zy and fifi was awesome. i totally enjoyed myself. and that i love sandwiches. and chamber sounds. andiwannagoswimming.

2007-01-05T00:50:00.000+08:00

today is unglam picture day! so heres a classic solaris shoot. (: mwhahaha. it makes me laugh my head off. i know u guys are gonna kill me for putting it up but...don u wanna laugh too? go ahead!

2007-01-05T00:46:00.000+08:00

my bears. :( i have not caught sight of u ALL in so long.

2007-01-05T00:43:00.000+08:00

i havent seen this gigolo in a thousand years. HELLO STRANGER, no more MIA-ing please.

2007-01-05T00:42:00.000+08:00

silliness is good. especially when its ideabank madness. oh. the troubles we went thru just to get this photo taken man!

2007-01-05T00:37:00.000+08:00

the masquerade trio. i miss.

2007-01-05T00:12:00.000+08:00

i had the most amusing bus stop waiting session in my life today when mr.polotee+spikedhair suddenly poked his face in front of me and started a one-sided enthusiastic conversation with me! and that was after he gave me a look that went like, hey what a coincidence ure at this busstop too?! mwhahaha. amidst all these my mind was spinning thru people i know n going like omg omg omg omg who on earth is this it cannot be someone i know!!!! and ta-da! he suddenly realized that and went: ehhhh ure not...(weird name zzz) oh...err wrong person eh.
so mr.polotee+spikedhair turned sheepishly away
.......leaving ME to control my laughter which was bursting to explode out hhahahahhahaa. that lasted me throughout the whole highway ride to school. (:

we all have had our share of such hilarious moments i tenk. whether ure the one being misrecognized. or ure the one misrecognizing someone else. and the reactions evoked are just simply amusing (:

2007-01-03T22:50:00.000+08:00

so the first minute of new year came and we spent it on the roads of orchard counting down to our so-notaccuratewatches. thats a first for me. hehe. exciting in some ways. like how everyone we saw seemed to be going crazy. one hippobusride full of cheering tourists went zooming by. and the neverending groups of workers going by. thank goodness we escaped the spraycans. phew! and catching glimpses of the beautiful fireworks outside the cathay. (: totally happening.

and since its the new year we ought to have some resolutions (: i like making lists!
nth much anw. hehe.
1. be braver. to do many things that i wanna do, but theres no courage in me.
2. love alot more. to my family. to my friends to strangers. to myself. a bigger heart is in the list.
3. control myself more. less explosions and implosions and more deep breathings!
4. more good music! i like.
5. get more sleep. try to eat less. hehe. and save more buckeroos. (:

my new found punching bag has returned to the states so adieu my friend. it was fun spending the last day of 2006 with you (: and of course disturbing u like mad. and damn. there goes a great movie buddy too eh :(
its funny, how we never really knew each other back then. but 3 years down the road, its amazing how i could have spent two great days in ur company. someone i barely know. hehe.
know what, ur grilling of my brains has inspired me to be more knowlegeable! hur hur .

everyone. blood diamond is a really really great movie. please do all watch it.
its really sad how millions of people die for the sake of a diamond. like theyve been possessed. how countrymen can turn against each other. and how child soldiers are numbed at such young ages to grow up into monsters and killers who don give a damn abt pulling the trigger on the gun. they can do it stonyfaced. but it touched me deeply to see so-n-so change and realize that there could be more to life than earning the buckeroos. and that he nearly betrayed the trust of someone. and how he managed to fulfil that promise he made in the end. that was touching.

2006-12-27T23:31:00.000+08:00

guess what i got for xmas? im now the proud owner of the sweetest loveliest....mini fondue set in the world man. (: hur hur hur. its my cheap thrill for the month of dec lahh. its pink heart shaped and all. thanks bananababe! i love it! come over soon and we can try it out k. together!

was good to finally meet up with the solaris ppl plus our lignum security guard hehe. finally man. after so long. peig gave us fried cookies (damn original eh :P and..surprisinlgy nice! don box me girl.) met up with vince too. he who i bumped into wks ago at serenes center. and i had a happy day (cos hes ridiculously funny) walking in the middle of orchard road talking and eating non stop. (: oh. n taking photoprints man. haha. sth i havent done in a long while.

house painting was fun. wobbling abt on the tiny ladder is kinda scary. i get the dizzies from that small amount of height. ahh. hopeless, am i? now our living rm has different shades of warm orangey-brown. i like!

2006-12-23T23:18:00.000+08:00

our two wk holis are finally here.
its been the maddest two-wk rush so far. rehearsals like mad. chest pains from thursday and fri.

performing dr.goh's piano trio on thurs at his concert was exciting. (: everything that we worked thru in detail, painstakingly and in extremes; i tenk we kinda pulled it off.
ive enjoyed playing in this trio alot. theres that spark of chemistry between us, in our playing and our rehearsals. so much nonsense and laughter. but yet at the same time, so many productive constructive critisicms and comments and working thru different sections. they have taught me alot abt ensemble playing too man. so i really hope we continue playing together even after graduation. u guys hear that? (:
and im really grateful to have the chance to play the composer's work. so thankyou!

den there was that totally totally happening chamber sounds christmas gig we had at the esplanade concourse on the 16th. hohoho. i love our hats and snowflakes. the glitter and goldfishbowl. the glam namecards. the dedications. the friendly audience. and of course the wonderful arrangements. so thank you daniel (boss rudolph) alan (santa in training) penguin (santa himself) and hilmi (my duet partner!) for all the fun. music making with you guys is always shiok! i get real high from this (:
i love carol of the bells man. and not cos its mainly my piece. it is nice.

been bumping into many old friends suddenly. like..bang bang. woah. overwhelming. but i guess its part and parcel of living in sg man. its amazing how we all have some kinda interesting connection with each other in different ways. all everyone is interconnected through everyone else. what a small cosy island! haha.

alright. merry christmas babes and dudes! (: enjoy urself lots! and spend it with ur loved ones! cheers!

2006-12-15T03:54:00.000+08:00

another crazy hour post. to keep me awake. hehe.
carmen was shioknesss. we wanna play it again! *fingers and toes triplecrossed*. theres stuff to be improved and i tenk we're alr pretty excited to work the kinks out and get it better this time. hooray!
i like it.

and so i watched my first organ concert today. enjoyed it thoroughly man. especially janette fischell's transcription of nutcracker. goodness. truly awesome. and the ensembleship btw the husband n wife duo is amazing. so much fun to it. the way they pass over the lines to each other. (:

cheesecake sticks by my sis rocks. so does girl guides' special nut and raisin cookies. and strawberries. cos these are what have been keeping me awake so far. hur hur. no more tho. prevention is better than cure so i brushed my pearly whites alr. yay! save my tummy.

taking music therapy is fruitful too. im so glad i decided to take this module. reminds me of times in bio lessons my one time fave class. hehe. except now its combined with music. to make it even more interesting. im learning so much in this mod. and cant wait for january to come so we can start practicum at sgh. and work with the hearing impaired kids there. gonna be real challenging and tough. but i tenk it'll be worth all of it. and i really hope we manage to produce some kinda results with them. to be of some help to them, even if jsut a bit.

2006-12-13T01:59:00.000+08:00

just one quick post before i jump into bed.
carmen is on tmr!!! i cant believe we did it in one week but, yes, i tenk we did it! (: and its the shiokest feeling ever. so i hope tmr goes really well. one things for sure. i wont forget laurence's silly jumping cue and midorie's attempt at diva-ness while playing, not in a long while. and all spontaneous stuff we did in reh like getting up to dance. hur hur. the piece is that infectious.

next up is the chamber sounds' xmas gig at esp concourse on sat, dec 16th. timings are 6.45pm to 7.15, 8 to 8.30 and 9 to 9.30pm. its gonna be fun too. what with all the amusing ideas we have! n then its the school's xmas concert on 19th at the LFT. and den. on 21st dec, in the composer's own words, The Concert of the Year. (: haha. stressful and exciting at the same time. i love his piano trio. each movement is so unique in its own character. and how the different instruments dialogue, complement and contrast is wow-ness. n the zen-ness of the Huan movement. n the exhilaration of the Ji. i likeeee.

i wanna eat aunt anne's pretzels. they were yummmmy today. hohoho. and green tea and macadamia ice cream . (:

2006-12-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

dec is like the crazy concertizing mth for musicians man. while the rest of sg rests and holidays, musicians get ready for world war iii - influx of the concerts. haha. im going mad just looking at my schedule for rehearsals. its exciting and stressful at the same time. i likee. 4 concerts in a row the following two wks, all three days apart. n den its party time! xmas is just round the corner! whoopeedos. i like. all the gold and glitter and carols. the pretty-ness of everything. the magic and santas rudolphs presents and elves. u cant help but feel the happiness seeping into u. n spreading to everyone else. and u feel like spreading out ur arms and embracing this world.

sometimes i know i get a bit too much. i tenk i put out too many of my thorns in defense. so im sorry if ive been too much of a bitch recently to any of you bodies out there. too....horrible for even myself to tolerate. hur hur. sometimes when i tenk back on myself i wonder at the ability of my friends to be so nice to me. and den i feel so PAISEH. yucks.

so heres my star awards thankyou list to my friends for ur amazing tolerance level to me haha. (: so amazingly nice to me. yes you. you. you. and you. haha. u know who u are lahh. if u don, TSK.
and as a p.s. i must thank chiew mi for being my online agony aunt. (: if not at that moment i would have self combusted.
and also to you. just once a day is my daily apple for the day. to keep the mental doctor away. hehe. so thanks for somehow making things better, miraculously, simply just with your presence.

2006-11-14T00:38:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i wish i could turn back time.

some things change so subtly that u can never look back and pinpoint that exact moment when it happens. its like waves crashing onto rocks. one day u realize that the rocks shifted shapes but u never actually witnessed them shifting. u just opened ur eyes and there they were, looking just the same as before but then again, not quite so.

oh so indefinable. just a whisper of a shilouette.

and yet, so heartbreaking. to find that u missed it. theres nth u could possibly do abt it.

sigh.

2006-11-02T23:07:00.000+08:00

so its goodbye holis and hello 2nd sem of my third year tmr. hehe its a mixed kinda feeling.
in many ways its been a great holis, one of the best actually. tho it was as usual a busy one, it felt like i was given a lil taste of the life i wanna lead in future. coming home one day aft a packed day, i felt that way. its abit like...looking thru a looking-glass right into the future, one that has been painted by urself in colours u want. all the perfect shades. and right then, even tho i was mentally n physically drained, it couldnt beat the sense of satisfaction the day gave to me.

so im thankful for all the many opportunities given to me. getting e accomp gigs one aft another at short notice turned out to be challenging yet fulfilling. its fun working with ppl who enjoy music as much as u do, who are able to bond with u within an hour cos of music. like what simon rattle said in the film rhythm is it!, music is not about what seperates, but what brings people and countries together. ive made new friends like huiwen n twain, and on the other side of the coin, learnt from a certain v that there are ppl who can be so selfcentered. n the honourable experience of working with n.torres? coolness personified. haha.
meeting new people + making music tog + learning from them = all i wanna do. (:

spending more time with the grandaunts made the holis complete. (: my darling grandaunt can make me feel at peace anytime. like the world is okay again.
and so did meeting up with people ivent seen in eons too, they made this holis utterly special. being able to sit down and reminisce abt primary school days, secondary sch life and stuff and nonsense. seeing people who've been there in ur life since u were a lil tot is sth special. its like watching each other grow up, thru different phases in life, and u know these are ppl whom u don meet up often, but yet, they hold that untouchable spot in ur heart.
lastly being able to spend time with people u hope will always be there in ur life, throughout the rest of ur adult life, makes me a happy girl too. thanks for supporting me, spicing up my days and being great listening ears and bringing me back to earth everytime i fly off it.

and in just a mere few mths we're gonna grad from dip! how freakin sad is that man. time zoomed past us all. i cant believe it. could somebody from somewhere invent something of great use that could make time go slower? im gonna miss having the whole entire class together. i already did. a long time ago. i miss the seats everyone had. i miss listening to everyone's different frequenices of chatter n laughter. i miss the ostracized seat and royce's magic sleeping chair. our gossip sessions with dkan. jollipong and snapping fingers. the left side of lectures during aural hur hur. and everything else.

aiyahhh. nostalgia. sux. yikes. haha.

2006-10-26T23:55:00.000+08:00

hehe

2006-10-26T23:54:00.000+08:00

damn nice foo.d mwhahaa. noe hwat. daniel went mad that day. he was in his element cooking up a storm for eveyrone. hahaa and it was funny to watch! all that arranging of food and the great display of frying and tossing of food. u go chef pignix!

2006-10-26T23:52:00.000+08:00

look at the super FAT sausages! omg. oil galore i tell u.